What to Expect in a Trauma-Informed Bodywork Session: How Touch Helps Heal Trauma and Regulate the Nervous System
When people ask me what trauma-informed bodywork looks like, I usually explain that it’s a gentle, hands-on approach that helps the body (and nervous system) find its way back to regulation and safety.
When people ask me what trauma-informed bodywork looks like, I usually explain that it’s a gentle, hands-on approach that helps the body (and nervous system) find its way back to regulation and safety.
Much of what I practice is inspired by the work of Kathy L. Kain, who integrates Ortho-Bionomy and somatic approaches, Dr. Peter Levine, the founder of Somatic Experiencing®, and Feldenkrais®, a method of somatic education. The basic idea is simple but profound: when the body feels regulated, our emotions and thoughts follow. We’re more grounded, less reactive, and better able to make healthy decisions.
What a Session Might Look Like
Sessions usually begin with a simple, supportive touch — for example, a steady contact at the small of your back while you remain fully clothed and comfortably lying on a treatment table.
This touch helps support the the adrenal glands, located just above the kidneys, and help regulate stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol — key players in the body’s stress response. When these glands can “settle,” the body starts releasing long-held tension and stress hormones that may have been stuck in the system after prolonged periods of bracing or overwhelm.
When the adrenals are overworked, the body stays in a chronic fight-or-flight state. By helping them find balance, we remind the body how to access its parasympathetic response — the “rest and restore” mode — instead of constantly preparing for danger.
In practice, this might look like my hand resting quietly under your lower back for 10–15 minutes on one side, then the other. There’s no manipulation or movement — just gentle, steady contact that gives your system space to unwind at its own pace. I’ll often check in to see what you’re noticing, since this work is more of a collaborative process than something I do to you.
Deeper Layers of Regulation
Once your adrenal system begins to regulate over time (which can take several sessions depending on your history, nervous system and physiology), we can explore other forms of trauma-informed touch.
For example:
Brain stem holds can calm the nervous system and restore a sense of safety.
Fascia work helps release tension in the connective tissue just under the skin — a place where emotion and stress are often stored.
When fascia is tight or “activated,” it can contribute to feelings of agitation, anxiety, or even physical sensations like chest pressure or a creeping sense of fear. The mediastinum fascia, which wraps around the heart and lungs, is especially sensitive — calming this area can bring a deep sense of ease and spaciousness to the breath and chest.
Viscera work supports trauma healing by gently engaging the organs — where deep-seated “gut reactions” and stress responses often live. By helping the viscera release stored tension, this work can improve emotional regulation, support healthy organ function, and allow for a greater sense of presence and ease in the body.
Releasing Protective Patterns
Many of us live in bodies that are unconsciously bracing — jaw tight, shoulders rounded, chest tense, breath shallow. These are protective patterns that once helped us survive but now keep us stuck in chronic tension.
To support release, I often integrate movement-based approaches like the Feldenkrais Method® or Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy. These gentle methods help the nervous system recognize safety through movement and awareness, softening patterns of holding and protection.
Feldenkrais helps your body unlearn old tension patterns that formed in response to stress or protection. As the nervous system discovers new options for movement, a natural sense of stability and calm begins to emerge.
Craniosacral Therapy uses light, attuned touch to help the body unwind from stress and trauma. From a trauma-informed lens, it helps the nervous system feel safe enough to release old patterns and return to a natural state of ease.
Why It Works
By working directly with the body, trauma-informed touch helps regulate the nervous system faster than talk alone. Once your body feels calmer and safer, talk therapy (if part of your process) becomes much more effective — because the body and mind are finally speaking the same language.
What is Medical Trauma: Why It Stays With You and What You Can Do
You’ve been through a medical procedure or intervention — either planned or unexpected. It’s over and you’re home. It’s been months or even years and you’re still feeling upset about how you were treated or about something that happened, but your rational mind is telling you “it’s over, let it go.” But you can’t.
You’ve been through a medical procedure—planned or unexpected. It’s over. You’re home. And yet, something still doesn’t feel resolved. Maybe it’s been weeks, months, or even years, and a part of you still feels upset, unsettled, or even disturbed by how you were treated or what happened.
Your logical mind says, “It’s done, just move on.”
But your body hasn’t.
This is a common experience with medical trauma—a kind of trauma that often goes unrecognized because the focus of someone’s experience is placed solely on the medical intervention and whether or not it was successful. But unresolved survival responses can stay lodged in the nervous system, creating persistent discomfort, anxiety, or disconnection.
What Does Medical Trauma Look Like?
Medical trauma doesn’t always stem from dramatic events. It can arise from subtle or seemingly “routine” experiences, such as:
Being dismissed or ignored by providers
Experiencing rudeness or coldness from staff
Not being believed about pain or symptoms
Waking suddenly from anesthesia without support
Hearing disturbing conversations while sedated
Feeling unsafe, unseen, or out of control
Lingering pain or sensitivity around a scar
Physical tension, anxiety, or tears that arise when recalling the event
Traumatic medical experiences do not only include trauma from medical procedures. PTSD from medical treatment can be caused by a mis-attuned medical care team as well. And when the body isn’t given space to process an experience, the survival energy can remain stuck—leading to physical symptoms, emotional distress, or a sense that something “isn’t right.”
How to Support Yourself during a medical intervention
There are two important phases where support can make a real difference: before and after a procedure.
1. Preparation Before a Procedure
From a Somatic Experiencing® perspective, preparation helps regulate the nervous system in advance—reducing overwhelm and building a sense of agency.
Here is a short list of steps I recommend to begin with:
Understand the procedure—only as much as feels supportive
Meet your provider as a whole, not just as a patient or “procedure”
Know what to expect before, during, and after
Express your concerns or ask questions ahead of time
Line up post-op support (meals, childcare, rides, etc.)
Learn how to recognize natural trauma releases as it moves through your body (shaking, crying, trembling are normal and healthy releases)
When the nervous system knows it’s safe, it can downshift from survival mode and allow for deeper healing.
2. Build in Grounding During the Procedure
Even small moments of presence and grounding during medical events can dramatically reduce trauma response. You can:
Let your care team know ahead of time that you'd like space for calming techniques
Use grounding tools like:
Deep, intentional breaths
A meaningful photo
A soft object or blanket
Calming music through headphones (if permitted)
These tools help signal safety to the nervous system, which can reduce overwhelm and help keep you anchored.
Aftercare: Somatic Healing for Medical Trauma
If trauma has already occurred, Somatic Experiencing® offers a powerful path forward. Instead of reliving the event through story or analysis, SE gently guides you to revisit the edges of the experience in a resourced, gentle, safe way. To learn more about how Somatic Experiencing® can help, click here.
This process, called titration, allows the body to slowly release survival energy that was never completed. Over time, your body and brain can update the story: “It’s over. I’m safe now.”
Healing Is Possible
Whether you’re preparing for a future procedure or carrying an unresolved experience from the past, there is a way through. With somatic tools and intentional support, you can move from holding trauma in your body to restoring a sense of calm, safety, and wholeness.
How to Map Your Own Nervous System
It’s helpful to be able to identify where you are on the nervous system “map,” so that you know what type of tools and exercises will be the most helpful to get to Ventral vagus state of connection and safety.
Dr. Stephen Porges is a neuroscientist and trauma expert who created a model to understand and work with the autonomic nervous system called the Polyvagal Theory.
Dr. Porges discovered that the autonomic nervous system (ANS) is organized in three “subsystems” and we naturally move between each state:
The Ventral Vagal system, which is the newest part of our nervous system, and is concerned with social connection and safety
The Sympathetic system, the sencond oldest part of our nervous system concerned with fighting and fleeing
And the Dorsal Vagal system, the oldest part of our nervous system and is concerned with survival and freezing or playing dead.
Vagus Nerve
Each of these subsystems is controlled by the vagus nerve, the 10th and longest cranial nerve in our body. The vagus nerve runs from the brainstem to the intestines and is sometimes referred to as the “brain in the gut.”
The vagus nerve is remarkable because it is both afferent and efferent. This means that the vagus nerve takes information from the brain to the organs of the body, and from the organs of the body back to the brain. So a feedback loop works to keep us safe and alive. When the body feels safe and relaxed, it sends a message through the vagus nerve to the brain that all is well and we experience a mental sense of calm and safety.
Calming ourselves is not dependent on exterior circumstances resolving — we can use our body to calm our brain and nervous system. This is called a “bottom up” approach. Therapy and using the mind to calm us is a “top down” approach.
When our nervous system is overwhelmed, we can stay in either Sympathetic (fight or flight) or Dorsal Vagal (freeze and dissociation) or ping pong between the two states. Many of us live between these two states or in freeze with sudden surges of adrenaline. We call this having one foot on the brake and the other on the gas pedal.
It’s possible to gradually move more into the state of connection and safety, but it’s important to understand where we are on the Polyvagal “Map” so that we can utilize the most effective nervous system regulating techniques to move us in the appropriate direction from where we are at the moment.
In other words, the question is not only how to regulate nervous system physiology, but where are you currently on the spectrum so that you know which tools will be most effective.
Here’s a summary of the three states so you can identify where you are on the nervous system “map.”
Ventral Vagal
The ventral side of the vagus nerve responds to cues of safety and interactions in our environment. It supports feelings of physical safety and safe emotional connection to others in our social environment. It’s associated with feeling connected with others. This is the newest addition to the nervous system and when we’re in our ventral vagal nervous system, we feel grounded, safe, calm , connected and engaged. It’s a good place to make decisions from.
Ventral Vagal = Safe + Social
Communicates well
Resourced
Present
Connected + warm
Curious
Grounded
At ease
A good place from which to make decisions
Ready to learn
Physical:
Increased digestion, immune response, rest, oxytocin, breathing freely
Dorsal Vagal
The dorsal side of the vagus nerve responds to cues of danger. It pulls us away from connection, and into a state of self-protection and dissociation. In moments when we might experience a cue of extreme danger, we can shut down and feel frozen, an indication that our dorsal vagal nerve has taken over. It’s associated with being immobilized. When we’re in fear or we can’t call for help, fight or flee, our nervous system is overwhelmed, we shut down and get numb.
Dorsal Vagal = Immobilized + Freeze
Shutdown
Trapped
Disconnected
Numb
Hopeless
Helpless
Shame
Despair
Depressed
Emotions shut down
Dissociated
Physical:
Feels like a zombie, hard to get out of bed or off the sofa
Decreased eye contact, awareness, social behavior, libido, heart rate slows
Increased pain threshold, endorphins that numb pain
Sympathetic
The Sympathetic nervous system is associated with fight and flight. In this reponse, we mobilize in the face of a cue of danger. We spring into action with our adrenaline rush to get away or to fight off our threat. Often we stay in this part of our nervous system much longer than we need.
Sympathetic = Mobilized for Fight + Flight
Rage
Anger
Frustration
Irritation
Confrontational
Panic
Chronic stress
Anxiety
Jumpy
Worry
Hard to think
Impulsive
Ready to run
Easily activated, startled
Senses are on alert
Physical:
Increased heart rate, adrenaline, faster or restricted breathing
Decreased ability to relate to others, digestion
A Paradox
The important thing to know is that when we’re in Sympathetic, we can use calming techniques or exercises to bring us back into Ventral vagal. But inorder to return to Ventral vagal from Dorsal vagal (freeze) state, we need to go through the Sympathetic state... but this is more nuanced than it sounds.
Because freeze state is essentially immobilization, we need to gently and slowly mobilize in order to find safety and connection. We cannot get to safety by doing calming exercises. At first this seems like a paradox.
But if you think about when a hibernating bear wakes up, there’s a lot of immobilization energy to jump start, and it can’t happen quickly. At first Mr. Bear will move his arms and legs, then he’ll scratch and stretch, then he’ll groom himself. (Yes, I did research how a bear comes out of hibrernation for this article). He’ll be a bit groggy and he’ll move slowly as he emerges from his den. He doesn’t jump right into socializing, nor does he jump into action. He has a transition period which includes slow, gentle mobilizing.
Coming out of a freeze or dissociated state is much like a hibernating bear waking up.
Rather than jumping up quickly or doing something super calming, our nervous system requires some very slow, gentle movement. This actually mobililzes us and we’re able to enter into a Ventral vagal state of safety and connection more naturally.
Unfortunately many well-intentioned nervous system regulation advice on social media doesn’t understand this about freeze state and suggests calming exercises for freeze state or overly activating exercises (for example, activating breathwork) for either state that doesn’t serve any purpose.
Therefore, the more you understand about where you are on the map and what you need to regulate, the better.
Your next step…
It’s helpful to be able to identify where you are on the nervous system “map,” so that you know what type of tools will be the most helpful to get to Ventral vagus state.
Once you have a clear sense of where you are on the Polyvagal map, and a clear sense of where you need to go to regulate, your next step is to find techniques and exercises that you enjoy and relate to that you’re willing to commit to practicing regularly (daily) to begin creating new neural patterns.
Somatic Exercises to Take You From Freeze State to Safety and Connection
When working within the Polyvagal nervous system regulation framework, we know that in order to bring someone out of a freeze and dissociated state, we need to gently mobilize their nervous system within their capacity. Here are some effective somatic exercises for working with the freeze state.
When working within the Polyvagal nervous system regulation framework, we know that in order to bring someone out of a freeze and dissociated state, we need to gently mobilize their nervous system within their capacity.
We don’t want to overstimulate or overwhelm their system, but we want their system to experience a little bit of activation within their capacity. It’s in this way that their system will begin to experience expansion and their window of tolerance — what they can tolerate without moving into fight or flight — will grow. The key is to to know how to regulate nervous system physiology, which can include either knowing how to calm your nervous system or how to gently stimulate it— depending on what you need.
Where you are on the nervous system “map” will determine which somatic exercises may be the most effective for you
In How to map your own nervous system, we discussed the three different subsystems of the Polyvagal system: Ventral vagal which is the state of connection and safety, the Sympathetic system, which is the state of fight and flight or mobilization, and the Dorsal Vagal system, which is the state of freeze and immobilization.
Many people are stuck in the Freeze state or what we call “functional freeze,” where they are able to function or even excel in their jobs, but feel numb and unfulfilled, self isolate, and feel like they’re in a fog when at home.
Others find themselves ping ponging between flight and flight state and freeze states. Often this looks like feeling exhausted and dissociated (detached from their bodies) but easily startled by sounds or activated by anything even remotely stressful and then they plunge back into freeze. In the Polyvagal world, this is called having one foot on the brake and one foot on the gas, and it’s exhausting to live like this.
Somatic exercises for freeze state
These Somatic exercises are some of my favorite practices to help you gently mobilize while staying well within your capacity. Try one or all of them and see whether any of them shift you .01%. You’re not looking for a huge shift — you want a tiny subtle shift. Then, you practice it every day. I know, that’s the hard part, but think of it as training your nervous system — creating new neural pathways… new neural habits, a tiny bit at a time. After 3 weeks, see what you notice.
This is my favorite somatic exercise for gently mobilizing when in a dissociated or freeze state. Often, when we’ve been immobilized, we also feel stiff because we haven’t been moving, so this addresses both the physical mobility as well as moving energy stuck in the joints.
When in freeze state, some people feel exhausted and can barely get out of bed or off the sofa, but as tired as they feel, they can’t sleep either. If you can relate to this, try doing this while lying in bed. Some people report falling asleep while listening to the audio. Doing only a few of the movements regulates them enough that their sleep improves. Think about it this way, when we feel safe, our bodies will do what they naturally need to do. Sometimes, the most important thing is to sleep deeply.
For this exercise, Moving the Joints, I’m sending you to my Insight Timer account for a free guided audio recording. You may need to download Insight Timer on your phone or go to insighttimer.com to set up a free account and then click on this link.
Click on this link for Moving your Joints audio recording.
Please follow me on Insight Timer for access to other free audio recordings.
Squeezing your arms and legs
This exercise is especially helpful if you feel dissociated in your limbs. It helps bring awareness back into your limbs. Begin by squeezing your upper arms, from your shoulder to your elbow and from your elbow to your wrist. Then do the same for your thighs and then lower legs.
Anchoring your container
Our hands take up 35% of the real estate in the sensorsy part of your brain. This means that your hands are influential when bringing attention and awareness to different parts of your body.
Often when we’re in freeze or dissociated state, we aren’t connected to parts of ourselves. We don’t feel our lower body or limbs.
What we’re doing in this exercise is using our hands to bring awareness to the parts of ourselves that feels disembodied and drawing the energy downwards in to our feet on the ground.
Exercise:
Begin by having your feet flat on the floor or ground. Wiggle your toes and feel the connection with your feet and toes. Then, place your hands on your upper body or lower body — wherever you feel disembodied — and begin to stroke downwards. You can do this on your head and face, arms, torso, hips, and then really focus your attention on your legs, knees, lower legs and feet. You continuously stroke downwards towards your feet and the floor. Spend extra time stroking your feet and heels, feeling the connection to the ground.
Orienting + grounding exercise
This is one of the most important exercises you can do daily. You’ll practice feeling your body on your chair or bed as well as looking around the room and orienting. Animals in the wild do this exercise naturally to let themselves know they’re safe. Babies orient constantly. When we practice these innate nervous system exercises, our brain recognizes these as familiar and signals to our brain and body that we’re safe.
Download Insight Timer free app or go on Insighttimer.com and click on the link below for a free 7-minute audio recording.
Click on this link for “Orienting + Grounding.”
Voo
This is an effective Somatic Experiencing® exercise that gently stimulates the vagus nerve by vibrating all of the organs.
When we’re in freeze, our body signals the brain that it’s not safe. Then the body operates at a low level and conserves energy. But when we Voo, we create a gentle vibration throughout the entire system and the vagus nerve connects all the internal organs and signals to the brain that the body (including the lungs, heart, organs, and digestive system) is safe, and the body slowly mobilizes.
Exercise:
To practice Voo, sit comfortably. Because the vagus nerve innervates both sides of your face and neck, you can place one of both hands on the sides of your neck so you can feel the vibration.
Take a deep breath in, and as you exhale, make a low, deep sound of “Voo.” Think of the Voo sound being like the low deep sound of a fog horn on the water at night.
When you complete your Voo, sit for a moment and feel yourself.
Then repeat once again. Only do this 2-3 times as it’s sneaky powerful and you don’t want to overdo it.
Sit with yourself for a few moments. Some people may observe some physical sensations, notice some images, emotions, or feel a little activated. If it feels like too much, do less next time. Our goal is to gently mobilize, so it’s okay to be a tiny bit activated as long as it feels completely tolerable and doesn’t put you in fight or flight. This builds capacity in your nervous system.
Remember that the nervous system is super sensitive and processes more slowly than your rational, thinking brain does. So don’t overthink or overanalyze or over judge what’s happening. You’re in new territory!
Trauma Informed Bodywork and Somatic Experiencing® for Narcissistic Abuse
The Feldenkrais Method® and Somatic Experiencing® are two robust somatic methods that help release chronic muscle tension and regulate the nervous system. One tool helped me learn to sense and feel safety in my body and to trust my own inner guidance again, while the other tool helped me release the powerful thwarted energy that got stuck in my body, causing me chronic pain and fatigue.
A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships reports that about 25% of individuals have experienced some form of narcissistic abuse in their relationships.
From 2012-2017 I myself was in a narcissistic abusive relationship.
I recognize that the term “narcissist” is a buzz word these days, but I’ve had several licensed clinicians confirm that this person was someone with textbook NPD, Narcissist Personality Disorder. Anyone who’s experienced this, is unfortunately very familiar with the signs, symptoms and predictable cycles.
Even if a person is able to leave a traumatic situation of this type, they are often left with emotional and physical symptoms that don’t simply “go away” or fade over time.
One of the characteristics of a narcissistic abusive relationship is that it’s insidious. This means the cues of danger may not be present at the onset and they develop gradually without being noticed.
In other words, narcissistic abuse often starts slowly and gradually worsens over time.
Relationships of this type usually begins with “love-bombing," a phase where the abuser initially seems loving, generous and supportive. It can be so intense that the victim feel the abuser is too good to be true, “the love of their life.” Then, the abuser slowly begins to use manipulative tactics, such as gaslighting and belittling, silent treatment, passive aggression, and triangulation, to undermine the victim's self-worth and confidence. This is intermingled with intermittent acts of kindness so the victim becomes confused about which version of their abuser is real. As time goes on, the abuser adds in verbal abuse and sometimes physical abuse.
The aftermath
In my own case, the experience left me with severe and long-lasting effects on my physical and mental health including PTSD.
I went to therapy regularly for a number of years and found that talking about what I had experienced only made my physical symptoms of anxiety and my depression worsen. I tried EMDR and it didn’t really help me, although I know it helps some people and it’s recognized as “evidence based” by the American Psychiatric Association.
For me, what began to change my physiology and regulate my nervous system was trauma-informed somatic work.
Note: If you are more comfortable staying with traditional, medical evidence-based psychotherapeutic techniques like CBT, then what I’m about to share may not resonate with you and that’s okay. It’s up to each individual to choose what methods make the most sense to them. If you’re in the midst of a narcissistic abusive relationship, it makes sense to stay with your therapist and add in somatic work once you’ve left the situation and are safe. In writing about this, my goal is to share some lesser-known alternatives to traditional psychotherapy or medication that worked for me and for many others.
Common physical symptoms of anxiety and hypervigilance include:
Digestive issues, nausea
Not being able to eat or overeating
Chronic neck, shoulder and back pain
Physiology of “bracing” or “contracing”
Jaw pain
Joint pain, sciatica
Shallow breathing or not being able to take a deep breath
Headaches and migraines
Racing heart
Sweaty palms
Face heating up suddenly
Migraines, headaches
Trembling, shaking, twitching, buzzing
Insomnia
Chronic fatigue
Some emotional symptoms—that are not always talked about—may include:
Feeling like you’ve always done something wrong
Feeling confused about what’s really true (cognitive dissonance)
You don’t recognize yourself, feeling lost and empty
Feeling isolated
Shame and hiding what you’re experiencing from others
Feeling anxious or depressed or hopeless
Trouble setting boundaries
Are ready to forgive and forget at the first sign of kindness
Loss of self trust; disconnected from your own intuition
A feeling of overwhelm (or freeze)
Feeling like you’ll die if you leave them (trauma bonding)
Hypervigilant - “Walking on eggshells” like you’re constantly waiting for the next attack
Two effective Somatic Tools: The Feldenkrais Method® and Somatic Experiencing®
In the case of narcissistic abuse, we feel we’re “under attack” 24/7 — unless, of course, the abuser senses they’ve gone too far and then they are attentive and loving as they were in the beginning of the relationship. When this happens and they show signs of the person we first met, we wonder why we felt so anxious and we wipe the slate clean, only to go through another cycle of abuse.
We’re stuck in a state of hypervigilance and confusion and it takes its toll on our brain, nervous system and body.
Feldenkrais is a gentle, non-invasive way to reconnect to your body so that you can sense, feel and trust yourself.
The Feldenkrais Method®, a robust somatic method that helps release chronic muscle tension and regulate the nervous system, was the first tool I used in order to learn to trust my own inner guidance again.
Amidst the chaos in my daily life during the abuse, this somatic work allowed me to reconnect to my body and listen. I was able to feel those physical cues of danger. For example, when I felt my stomach tense, I knew my body was telling me to listen. When I felt my chest or throat constrict, I was able to trust myself vs being confused. I began to be less dissociated or out of my body and to feel a sense of safety and grounding that I hadn’t felt before.
Before I was constantly scanning my environment and his face for cues of danger because I was dissociated. But now, I could feel my body give me cues and I knew I could trust it.
Feldenkrais is also an effective way for someone to learn to self regulate. During narcissistic abuse, it wasn’t safe to “relax” deeply. The constant threat of being under attack was always present. This method allows muscle tension to release effortlessly, and muscle tension = emotional tension.
This method— whether working 1:1 with a practitioner or taking group classes — allows a person to:
Unwind habits of stress and overstimulation
Regulate breathing
Relax muscles and ease joint pain
Respond vs reacting
Calm the mind and emotions
Feel grounded
Improve sleep
Feel a sense of safety, well being or neutral
Somatic Experiencing® (SE) is another somatic method that helps a person complete threat response cycles.
For example, when I felt the desire to fight back or speak up about the abusive treatment I was receiving, but I remained silent because I was afraid of the consequences, that powerful “fight” energy got stuck in my body. It had no where to go but inward.
Or when I felt the deserate desire to get away, but couldn’t leave — again, that energy was thwarted, and stayed lodged in the physical tissues of my body: in my muscles, joints, gut, jaw, etc.
This is common in any traumatic situation. But with narcissistic abuse, it’s especially relentless and continuous, and takes a significant toll on a person’s mind and body.
Some time after I finally left the relationship, I found myself with sciatica and plantar fasciitis, and chronic fatigue, but it made no rational sense. Now I know that was stuck energy. With Feldenkrais and SE, that chronic pain and fatigue has dissipated. I’m gradually increasing my energy and health.
Next Steps
As a client and practitioner of both of these robust somatic methods, and several others, I have found that the somatic option for releasing trauma from the body is far more effective than talking about the experience.
If you or someone you know has experienced narcissistic abuse, you may consider trauma-informed somatic work to help you on your healing journey.
Please allow me to support you in this process. If you’d like to talk in person, please schedule a free 15 minute consultation to see if working together is a good fit for you. We can work in person in San Diego or online. Schedule here or email me and I’ll get right back to you.
Calm Your Stress with These 4 Powerful Breathing Techniques
Did you know that slowing your breathing helps you calm down, and that taking a few minutes to do breathing exercises can help relax your mind and body, making it easier to cope with stress and anxiety?
Did you know that slowing your breathing helps you calm down, and that taking a few minutes to do breathing exercises can help relax your mind and body, making it easier to cope with stress and anxiety?
In fact, it’s almost futile to try to put mindset or focusing techniques into practice when your nervous system is dysregulated. It’s like putting whip cream on poop and expecting it to taste good — pardon the metaphor! Basically, you just cannot ignore or override a dysregulated nervous system! (To learn more about your nervous system, click here.)
It’s scientifically proven that breathing not only helps us calm down in a moment when we’re activated, but also makes it easier to access and use what we’ve learned.
For example, if you have a presentation or exam coming up, doing one of these breathing techniques will help you think and access the information more clearly. (To learn more about the physical symptoms of stress and anxiety, click here.)
We also know that continued shallow breathing can actually do the opposite, keeping our bodies in a cycle of stress and affecting everything from our mental to physical health. When we are stressed, we tend to close down in a number of ways and, while this can feel protective, it often deprives us of needed emotional, cognitive and physical resources. It can even make us more likely to get sick.
Here are four simple breathing exercises you can do to relieve stress anywhere and anytime. Try using them daily, whether you are clearly feeling stressed or not. If you practice them as a maintenance practice, it will be easier and more efficient for your body to acclimate right away. You can also use any of these breathing techniques whenever you feel impatient or frustrated (like waiting in line), or in moments when you feel uptight, overwhelmed, stressed, or anxious. For more information about what “self care” means, click here.”
Box Breathing
This exercise is a classic. You can do it while sitting or lying down.
1. Exhale all the air from your lungs while counting to four.
2. Hold for a count of four, keeping your lungs completely empty.
3. Inhale a deep, full breath for a count of four.
4. Keep your lungs full for a count of four.
Repeat for at least 4 rounds but reduce or rest if you feel light-headed.
4-2-6-2 Breathing
This is as an effective way to calm the sympathetic (fight + flight) nervous system response and activate your parasympathetic (rest + digest) nervous system when you feel activated or stressed. Sometimes I do this one when I’m with people who I feel tension around and and they don’t even know I’m doing it. It really helps!
1. Breathe in for a count of 4
2. Hold for a count of 2
3. Breathe out for a count of 6
4. Hold for a count of 2
Repeat 5X.
Next,
1. Breathe in for a count of 4
2. Hold for a count of 2
3. Breathe out for a count of 8
4. Hold for a count of 2
Repeat 5X.
You’ll find it becomes easy to keep adding 2 counts to each exhale after 5 repetitions of each set.
Relaxing NADA Yoga Breathing
Sit in a comfortable position. Your eyes can be open or closed.
1. Close your mouth and inhale through your nose for 4 counts.
2. Hold your breath for 2 counts.
3. With your mouth closed, “Hummmmm” for as long as it takes you to empty your lungs. This makes a buzzing sound that sounds like a bee. This will vibrate in your chest, throat and head.
4. Hold for 2 counts, and repeat steps 1-3 six times.
Falling Out Breath
I actually found this one on the Noom app and really like it for helping to release physical tension from my body.
1. Take a deep breath in, filling your lungs as much as possible.
2. At the top of your breath, take one more sip of air.
3. Exhale with a big, out-loud sigh (“HHHAAAAA”) as you release the air.
Do this for 1-2 minutes.
Are You Stuck in Survival Mode? Look Out for These 8 Warning Signs
There are two main branches of your autonomic nervous system: the sympathetic and the parasympathetic. Ideally there is a healthy balance between the two.
There are two main branches of your autonomic nervous system: the sympathetic and the parasympathetic. Ideally there is a healthy balance between the two.
The parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for the rest and digest response.
It tells your body to:
slow down
breathe and relax
the danger is over
cortisol levels falls back to normal
your body conserves energy
your heart rate slows
your digestion increases
In this state, we feel calm, relaxed, safe and able to focus and think clearly.
However, most people chronically lean more towards the sympathetic response, which is responsible for the stress response.
We commonly know the stress response as fight and flight. Fight, flight and freeze are a survival mechanisms. (more about Freeze below.)
When you experience a threat—whether it’s real or perceived—your body tells you to take action in one of these ways:
Quickened breath and heart rate
Tensing muscles
Sweat
High blood pressure and more blood flow to your organs
Expanding blood vessels to allow you to get more blood flow and oxygen
Heightened senses
Release of blood sugar and fats from the body’s stores to be used for energy
Increased Cortisol levels (stress hormone)
If we remain in this sympathetic state longterm, we’re then in a chronic stress state, and this has longterm effects that we definitely want to avoid.
We’ve probably all experienced fight and flight states. We feel this when we’re afraid, angry, stressed, anxious and so on. We want to run and hide or we get confrontational.
Freeze is an interesting state. When we feel overwhelmed and can’t move forward, we feel stuck, we can’t get out of bed in the morning, we want to avoid people — these can all be freeze responses, which is also a stress response state of the nervous system.
The fawn response, another sympathetic nervous system response, is when we unconsciously behave in a way where we please, appease, and pacify a person we feel threatened by in order to keep safe from further harm. Often we abandon our own needs and have a lack of boundaries. It can be confused with people pleasing, but it is actually a trauma response.
Those of us who behave in this way likely began during childhood in order to feel safe, and continue it in adulthood.
Somatic Experiencing® and Havening Technique® are robust methods designed to help identify and calm of these sympathetic nervous system states and bring a person into a more balanced and regulated state.
In other words, when you learn how to regulate nervous system physiology, you automatically regulate your emotional state.
The Feldenkrais Method® is another tool designed to calm your nervous system so that you can think more clearly and rationally during a stress response. It also helps relax the muscles in your body caused by chronic stress.
4 Handy Steps to Help You Practice Self Empathy
Self-empathy, or being capable of having empathy for yourself, helps you calm yourself during conflict or when you’re feeling stressed, angry, frustrated, anxious, afraid and other strong emotions.
Self-empathy, or being capable of having empathy for yourself, helps you calm yourself during conflict or when you’re feeling stressed, angry, frustrated, anxious, afraid and other strong emotions.
Self-empathy also helps you get clear about your needs and the needs of others so that you can make choices and decisions that support harmony, cooperation and connection.
According to Marshall Rosenberg Phd, author of “Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life,” in order to have self empathy, the following 4 steps will help you connect to your own self empathy:
1. The awareness that you need self empathy in a given moment.
Your amygdala is activated and shifting you into the fight/flight/freeze state of your nervous system — therefore, the first step is to actually learn to become aware that you’re entering this state.
Your amygdala is activated when you:
Have tension, constriction or unpleasant sensations in your face, jaw, neck, chest or stomach.
You have thoughts that are judgmental, angry, fearful, blaming, critical or demanding.
You react and do or say things that lead to conflict and disconnection, rather than being able to respond in ways that lead to connection.
2. The willingness and time to go inward and observe your mind and body with compassion and presence.
What emotions are you feeling? Where do you feel this in your body? Many people feel emotions like stress, anxiety, frustration, anger as contractions in their jaw or abdomen, some feel a tightening in their throats or pain in their backs. At first this feels impossible to tease apart. So the two questions we can ask ourselves to begin with is: what am I feeling and where do I feel this in my physical body?
3. The ability to name sensations, emotions, and needs and distinguish them from the thoughts, stories, interpretations, and strategies or expectations.
So many of us don’t differentiate an emotion from a thought or story we tell ourselves about another person or situation. A feeling is different than a sensation. A feeling or emotion is different from a thought or the story of something that happened.
4. The time and willingness to stay with your sensations, feelings and needs and hold them with warm, compassionate presence.
When we connect with our body and simply “listen,” we are giving ourselves attention, which is the most powerful form of self empathy and self love. We don’t have to fix anything, change anything or do anything. Simply feel our body and allow whatever sensation is there to be there. For more detailed information about his actual self empathy process, check out Marshall Rosenberg’s book, “Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life”.
Your body has the answers
You can begin a self empathy practice just by listening to your body. Your body is your best indicator of when you begin to enter into an activated state. Most of us push these feelings aside and distract ourselves, pour a glass of wine, work out, check our phones, and so on.
But all distractions do is delay the anxious or stressful feelings until later … and they ALWAYS come back.
Incorporating mini practices into your day that help you sense and feel your body will not only grow your body awareness skill, but help you feel calmer and more grounded by helping you to regulate your nervous system. These small moments of attending to yourself are self empathy and they make a difference. To learn more about how self care practices are the first step to practicing self empathy as well as regulating your nervous system, read this article called “What is self care. How to prioritize your wellbeing in daily life.”
Use This 5 Minute Self Care Practice to Ground Yourself
Havening is a psychosensory technique that calms the nervous system and help you feel grounded, calm and peaceful.
Havening Technique® is a psychosensory technique that calms the nervous system and help you feel grounded, calm and peaceful.
Havening® is a technique facilitated by a certified practitioner, and can also be practiced at home as a self care practice to build resilience and soothe your nervous system. To learn more about self care practices, click here.
By slowly rubbing your hands together while either distracting yourself (I’ll explain this below) or imagining yourself in a peaceful setting, Delta waves, the slowest brain waves, are created. These Delta waves release oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin and GABA, the “happiness hormones,” and actually soothe and calm you emotionally, mentally and physically, in just 5-7 minutes.
Please note: if the feelings you’re experiencing are intense (above 3 on a scale of 1-10, 10 being highly triggered), I recommend you check with a qualified psychotherapist before trying this method or find a certified Havening Technique® practitioner, like myself, to assist you.
Time investment
5-7 minutes
Do this when
You feel stressed, anxious, overwhelmed, sad, grief, angry, need support
You want to expand and embody the feeling of calm, peace and love within yourself
You’d like to try Havening® as part of your regular self care practice
Benefits
Release of “happy hormones” (oxytocin, seratonin, dopamine and GABA) to calm and soothe
Regulate your nervous system (To learn more about your nervous system, click here.)
Feel more embodied
Sense of well-being
To set up you’ll need
A private space with a comfortable place to sit. Optional: a pillow on which you can rest your elbows.
Instructions
Begin to rub the palms of your hands together slowly, as if you were gently washing your hands
Breathe freely and naturally
If you’re feeling any distress (worried, sad, angry, fearful, etc.), begin to distract yourself as follows:
Count backwards slowly from 30-0 by 3s
Hum “Row Row Row Your Boat” 3X
Spell your first and last name backwards
List zoo animals for each letter of the alphabet. (Note: skip any letters if you can’t think of an animal. The answer isn’t important; you are engaging your brain in a certain way.)
Imagine yourself in your favorite place in nature. Based on what makes sense, observe what you see, hear, smell, feel, taste. (For example, imagine the sun on your face, the feeling of your feet in the sand, or the sounds of the waves lapping on the shore, the smell of seaweed.)
If you have trouble holding the visual image of yourself in nature, or find yourself feeling any emotional distress, then go back to steps #1-3.
Continue to haven continuously through all 4 steps. When you feel a sense of peace and calm, say the words out loud: “I am peace.” (or fill in the blank with a word that fits any good feeling you are able to authentically feel now).
Here's the Technique You Need to Calm Your Mind and Transform Your Emotional State
Havening is a psychosensory technique that calms the nervous system and can help you feel grounded, calm and peaceful.
Havening is NOT psychotherapy or talk therapy, and it is always recommended that you are working with a health care provider, especially if you are on medication. This is a form of somatic therapy and helps give relief on a subconscious level as well as providing you with tools for self soothing as a self care practice.
Havening is a psychosensory technique that calms the nervous system and can help you feel grounded, calm and peaceful. Psychosensory techniques are a form of therapeutic technique that use sensory stimuli to affect psychological and emotional health.
Dr. Ronald Ruden, a Harvard trained medical doctor who specializes in emotional trauma, neuroscience, and addictions, is the creator of Havening.
Over 30 years ago, he observed how, in most cases, a distressed infant is soothed quickly by gentle stroking on his back. Ruden researched the benefits of intentional touch on different areas of the body, concluding that when the upper arms, palms of the hands, and face are stroked gently and repeatedly, Delta waves are created in the body.
Delta brainwaves are the slowest brain waves, and they release oxytocin, dopamine, seratonin and GABA, also known as the “happiness hormones,” into the blood stream. These hormones are responsible for a neurochemical reaction that releases traumatically encoded memories that are stored in the amygdala, which leave a person feeling calmer, centered and resilient.
Havening uses sensory input in order to alter a thought, mood, or behavior. It’s believed that when you perceive an event or experience as traumatic or stressful, it becomes immutably encoded in your brain and body, often with life-changing consequences. Havening is designed to de-traumatize your nervous system by removing, altering, or diffusing the intensity of the emotional memory of your traumatic or stressful life event and its negative effects.
Havening is a somatic modality that is designed to help overcome problems caused by traumatic or stressful encoding, and it uses touch and the senses as its main tools.
In a session, a client has the opportunity to release the intense feelings around a traumatic event like an automobile accident or even a relationship or work-related situation — anything that has been disruptive and you feel its influence on your life in some uncomfortable way.
It also helps release familiar long standing emotions or behaviors such as constant fear, guilt, shame, worry or, for example, a familiar feeling like “waiting for the other shoe to drop” that have been with you ever since you can remember. Havening Technique® is designed to ease symptoms of chronic stress and anxiety. To learn more about what survival nervous system responses feel like, click here.
If you’d like to try self-havening at home, and feel the self-soothing effects of the “happiness hormones” for yourself, check out this blog post “Havening self care practice.”
Havening can benefit emotional stress in connection with:
Nervousness
Persistent worrying
Everyday stress
Feeling overwhelmed
Test anxiety
Fear about illness
Fear of heights
Afraid of the dark
Fear of flying
Fear of animals
Fear of abandonment
Fear of being out of control
Grieving
Caregiver support
Death of a loved one or pet
Letting go of past relationships
Abandonment
Physical or verbal assault
Childhood memories
Bullying
Traumatic accidents
Witnessing disturbing events
Relationships with parents, partners, bosses or colleagues, children
Anger, frustration
Guilt
Sadness
Shame, humiliation
Body image issues
Physical discomfort associated with stress
Sports performance enhancement
Emotional resilience and wellbeing
Transform Your Mind and Mood: How Gratitude Rewires Your Brain for Happiness
Doing this practice regularly not only shifts your mood, but it actually changes the neural pathways in your brain.
Doing a gratitude practice regularly not only shifts your mood, but it actually changes the neural pathways in your brain.
At first, and especially if you’re new to this sort of thing, you may find you have resistance to this. You might think “how can this even work?” Or you might feel it’s too new age or woo woo — not practical or action-based.
I thought this too, when I first heard Oprah talk about it many years ago. “How can I feel grateful for things when so much needs improvement?” I thought.
But what I know now is that the practice of gratitude, or learning to see all the small things that are actually working well in life, is actually a practice that not only shifts my mood to feeling calm and peaceful, but I’ve begun to see almost effortless expansion in many areas of my own life.
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “What you focus on grows.” Well this is putting that Universal law into practice. When we start to see what’s going well and put our focused attention on those places, regardless of how small or seemingly trivial these areas are, we’re priming our brain to look for the good in all areas.
Don’t get me wrong — some days, trying to come up with anything that I can feel gratitude for can feel hard. It’s on these days that I go to little things, like “my spicy chai latte from Meraki Cafe was so good,” or to a memory with my kids when they were little at Sandy Point beach in Massachusetts. Your brain doesn’t know if you’re being grateful for something big like winning $100K or a happy memory from the past. In fact, your neural circuitry sees it all as the same thing.
THREE practices
If you’d like to ease into this practice before you commit a large amount of time, I’ve included two different practices — one is a mini practice that you can do throughout the day if you like. The other is a longer morning or evening practice.
Do this when
You want to shift your mood or raise your vibration
You want to add a self care practice into your life
You want to attract more love, abundance and peace into your life
You feel fearful, worried or anxious about the future
You want to regulate your nervous system (For some background information about your nervous system, click here.)
Benefits
You’ll feel more peaceful and expanded
You’ll have a clear experience—both emotionally and physically— that you’re being supported
It brings you into the present moment (and out of the future or past)
You’ll physically change the “worry and anxiety” neural pathways in your brain to “trusting, loving and calm.” The longer you write and bask in the feelings of gratitude, you reinforce these neural pathways. You actually train your brain to look for good vs. what’s “wrong” and stressful.
Practice #1 (short and sweet)
Write down 3 things that happened in the past hour or two (or write a memory from the past) that you’re grateful for. It can be as simple as “My coffee was good,” or “I love how the sun felt on my face when I walked outside.”
You can set your phone alarm throughout the day to keep bringing your mind back to noticing or searching for “the good.” Practicing in this way begins to change the neural pathways and reinforce them.
Practice #2 (longer, possibly morning or evening)
Journal for 10-20 minutes about 3-5 things you’re grateful for. Allow yourself to really FEEL the gratitude and and linger in the feeling. ABSORB the feeling. The longer you can remain in the “felt sense” of gratitude, even if you’re thinking about something or someone from many years ago, the more neural pathways you’re creating and practicing/reinforcing.
As with any practice, the more consistently you practice, the more “results” you’ll notice. Doing a practice every day for 3-5 minutes is more valuable than doing a practice for 60 minutes 1X/week. Make this easy for yourself and enjoy!
Practice #3 (this can take as long or short as you like)
This is from a method called HeartMath®. There are 3 steps. You can do all three steps to make it a gratitude practice or only do steps 1 and 2 to bring parasympathetic coherence (rest and digest) throughout your entire body and nervous system.
Step 1: Focus your attention on the area of your heart. This can be on your anatomical heart or the general space in your chest where your heart resides, or any image of your heart.
Step 2: Begin to breathe in and out of your heart space. You just imagine your breath flowing in and out of your heart or heart space as you breathe.
You can stay with this or turn this into a gratitude practice with Step 3….
Step 3: Allow your imagination to call forth an image or memory of a time when you felt gratitude for something in your life. Connect to that feeling and then bring it into your heart space as you continue to breathe in and out of your heart.
After practicing any of these options, always take a moment at the end to feel yourself — your body, how you feel emotionally, and observe the state of your nervous system. Do you feel calmer, more relaxed, more grounded, safer, more neutral? Just observe yourself without needing it to be any special way.
8 Surprising Benefits from This One Easy Restorative Yoga Pose
One of my favorite restorative yoga poses is Supported Child’s Pose! This restorative pose allows you to stay in it for a bit longer than the version without props, and provides all the amazing benefits of the more athletic version without any discomfort.
One of my favorite restorative yoga poses is Supported Child’s Pose!
This restorative pose allows you to stay in it for a bit longer than the version without props, and provides all the amazing benefits of the more athletic version without any discomfort.
Some benefits of Child’s Pose:
Gentle stretching of the hips, thighs, and ankles
Stress and anxiety relief
Relieves fatigue
Regulates the nervous system (To learn more about your nervous system in general, click here.)
Improves mental focus
Supports the belly, heart and head
Relieves back pain
Relaxes the muscles onn the front of the body
Passively and gently stretches the muscles on the back of the body
To get into this pose, follow these steps:
Set up your bolster or stack of blankets on the floor in front of you.
Come onto your knees with your big toes together and knees wide apart behind your bolster.
Straddle your bolster. If this isn’t comfortable on your knees, you can place another blanket or rolled towel in the crease between your calves and thighs. If this is uncomfortable on your ankles, place a rolled towel underneath your ankles so that your feet drape over the towel.
Drape you torso over the bolster and rest your head on one side. The pose should start out completely comfortable so make sure you tuck a towel underneath the side of your head or face if you feel any tension in your neck.
If your shoulders and hips are not in the same plane, add another folded blanket on top of the bolster to add height.
Rest your elbows on the floor. If they don’t rest comfortably, place additional towels or pillows underneath your arms and hands.
Rest in supported Child’s pose for 2-3 minutes and then turn your head to face in the other direction for another 2-3 minutes.
Before you come out of the pose completely, rest your forehead on the bolster in neutral position for a few moments.
Enjoy this pose whenever you feel stressed or need to rest your back.
And while you’re here, grab your FREE “Calm your Stress” audio recording of a gentle exercise to do right before bed so that you fall asleep easily!
3 Tips for Recovering Your Body, Mind, and Nervous System
It’s often overwhelming to figure out the next steps to take to recover and restore yourself. Now, over 3 years later, I recommend a triad approach that includes emotional/mental, medical/functional medicine and physical/nervous system repair.
When I emerged from an extremely challenging, traumatic life experience, I was overwhelmed. I wasn’t sure who to turn to for support. I tried a bunch of different practitioners who seemed to help with one aspect of my healing or another, and although their intentions were good, I didn’t feel as though I was improving at all.
There are many different versions of “challenging life experiences” can leave you feeling the effects of a dysregulated nervous system. Whether your challenging life experience is an abusive relationship, like mine was, the devastating loss of a loved one, being a caretaker for someone who’s ill and living in fearful expectation of that next lab test result, going through a contentious divorce where you feel attacked legally, financially and emotionally, a pandemic where you’ve been isolated and fearful for a period of time.
It’s often overwhelming to figure out the next steps to take to recover and restore yourself.
I know that I personally wasted too much time trying to handle things on my own and trying piece together solutions.
Now, over 3 years later, I recommend a triad approach that includes emotional/mental, medical/functional medicine and physical/nervous system repair:
1. Emotional/mental/subconscious healing support:
Find a good therapist who has been educated in trauma AND your specific situation. Whether you experienced narcissistic abuse, death of a loved one, divorce, or being a long-term caretaker—you need to be heard and validated.
The most helpful therapist I went do didn’t have the highest credentials — she had been through and survived what I was going through.
If your practitioner doesn’t understand the specific dynamic of your situation, keep looking. Ask for an initial complimentary interview and get a sense of the person. It might take several paid visits to get a deeper sense of whether it’s a good fit. If it’s not, cut your losses and move on. It’s okay to be discerning and it’s okay to spend some money and time figuring it out.
In addition to more traditional therapy, I currently also work with someone who helps remove subconscious blocks so that I can explore what my own emotional patterns throughout my life have been that would have lead me to an experience like narcissistic abuse. This would also fall under this category of emotional/mental/subconscious healing support.
My advice is to initially seek to feel stability in yourself again. You can add on later if you’d like to continue and deepen your self study.
2. Medical/functional medicine + nutritional support:
Find a good functional medicine doctor. Although I did start with my primary care practitioner, I was told that the extreme exhaustion I was experiencing was in my head and further testing wasn’t ordered.
Two years later, I found a functional medicine doctor who believed me when I told her I could barely move. Once she ordered the proper tests and a realistic baseline was established, I had a plan to improve and I began to feel better. For me, it was important to use holistic methods to heal and this practitioner was a good fit for me. You have to find someone with whom you feel comfortable, and a method that resonates with you.
Healing from a stressful life experience can be a slow process. It took time to get where you are now; it takes a bit of time to get better.
I highly recommend that you find someone who can give you nutritional support as well. If your health care practitioner can’t give you specific support, I would hire an expert who only focuses on eating to support your nervous system, your hormones, your adrenals, or wherever you need support. See my blog post on foods to calm your nervous system.
3. Physical + Nervous System repair:
This is a critical piece of information so if you’re skimming, please back up and read this carefully….
If you’ve recently been through a challenging life event, then you’ve probably not been nurturing yourself for awhile. In fact, the idea of that might make you uncomfortable.
Pushing yourself to run or power walk or “work out” or even practice a vigorous form of yoga is NOT nurturing if you’re exhausted and your body aches.
Find a physical component that nurtures you. I was fortunate to have Feldenkrais as a practice I could rely on. I did some yoga, but at the beginning, it took too much energy that I didn’t have. Even a few sun salutations felt like too much. I craved something more nurturing for my body — something that connected me to myself, and included the physical component. Meditation is good, but it doesn’t move energy in the same way as a physical practice.
Connecting to your physical body is critical — now especially.
The main reason Feldenkrais worked for me is because it involves physical movements and works with the nervous system. I was able to regulate and release any physical tension at the same time. After each session or class I felt as if I’d had a really good massage and felt emotionally calmer and at peace. My mental clarity improved substantially.
I took group classes as well as worked with a practitioner, but looking back it was the group classes that empowered me and gave me on-going tools to calm my nervous system by myself.
To conclude, anyone who has recently moved on from an emotionally and mentally stressful life experience may find themselves continuing to feel unexpectedly depleted. Begin with a triad of support — the right expert who can support you mentally/emotionally, the right expert who can support you medically but in a way that is all-inclusive and resonates with your values, and some sort of gentle physical or somatic method that addresses your body and regulates your nervous system so that you can reconnect with your body and feel stable and safe again.
Here is a beautiful nurturing audio lesson that will give you a taste of what it feels like to calm your nervous system while making small, gentle, slow movements of your body. Lie on the floor or your bed, remove distractions, and enjoy.
Want to Beat Insomnia? Here's the System You Need For Better Sleep
We lie down in a comfortable position, close our eyes and for many humans, this is sufficient to create the internal and physical conditions necessary for sleep.
We lie down in a comfortable position, close our eyes and for many humans, this is sufficient to create the internal and physical conditions necessary for sleep.
In order to fall asleep, there must be an overall decrease in metabolic activity. Physiological and psychological stimulation needs to be reduced. Muscles relax, and this signals the brain that its functions are not required for the time being. Oxygen consumption is reduced, blood pressure and heart rate are reduced, and body temperature is reduced, compared to sitting or standing.
When we close our eyes, light is blocked out out, decreasing environmental stimuli.
Yet, simply lying down and closing your eyes isn’t always sufficient, especially when we’re under stress — particularly unremitting or chronic stress and hypervigilance, or feeling like in order to stay safe, you have to be on alert. To learn more about what the physical symptoms of anxiety or hypervigilance feel like in your body, click here.
When stress is present, it produces a heightened sense of arousal — increased mentally and physically. Relentless stress produces excessive, unremitting arousal — or “hyperarousal.”
The Sounder Sleep System is a natural and effective way to beat insomnia
Michael Krugman, creator of The Sounder Sleep System, writes “we cannot maintain a state of arousal all day long and then expect to turn it off instantly at bedtime. The body doesn’t work that way. The stress we endure during waking hours persists through bedtime and beyond, delaying sleep onset, causing shallow, fragmented sleep or both.”
In other words, we have to be well-rested in order to be able to sleep.
(And we need to be calm and not stressed in order to be well-rested.)
Krugman, a teacher of The Feldenkrais Method®, and an insomniac for much of his life, put 3 related types of practices together that involve bodily movements, the ability to pay attention to and sense these movements, and the breath.
Over a period of 3 weeks he was able to produce improved sleep, as well as tools to relieve stress and anxiety during the day (which, he says, is the primary cause of insomnia for most people).
1. Breathing
The first component of Krugman’s system is designed to restore the natural rhythm, pattern and pleasure of the breath, which for most people, has been lost as a result of chronic stress. This gentle breath awareness practice provides a foundation for the other components of the system.
It’s a common recommendation in our society to be encouraged to breath deeply when stressed, but this is not utilized in this effective practice. When we take big deep breaths, we’re communicating the message to our NS that we need to prepare for action — we breathe deeply when we need power. This is the opposite of what we’re looking to do when we prepare to relax or sleep.
Instead, Krugman uses gentle, natural breathing as the foundation of his system. He called this breathing “Guided Natural Breathing.”
2. Daytime Relaxation Practices
In addition to natural breathing, daytime relaxation practices are the second component of the Sounder Sleep System. They’re designed to actively offset the constant stress of living and calm the hyper-arousal that can delay the onset of sleep or make sleep shallow and fragmented. These are done for short periods of time, a few times each day, either sitting up or lying down.
Practicing these during the day actually set the scene for easier, more restful sleep at night. By practicing these short movements during the day, you’re essentially “training” your nervous system to regulate during the day, when there’s no pressure to sleep.
3. bedtime relaxation practices
The third component of this system are special movement practices done when lying on your back or your side, in your bed. They help you fall asleep and if you awaken during the night, they help you get back to sleep with ease.
Both the daytime relaxation practices and bedtime relaxation practices include movements of your hands, eyes, lips, and tongue. The hands, mouth and tongue take up 70% of the sensory cortical real estate in your brain, which makes these tiny movements extremely effective for calming your nervous system overall.
In conclusion, you have to be rested in order to get a good night’s sleep. Going to bed in the same stressed state you’ve been experiencing during the day, doesn’t set you up for good sleep. But practicing tools to decrease stress and regulate your nervous system during the day, will help you create the inner environment for peaceful sleep.
How to Harness the Power of Food to Regulate Your Nervous System
What you eat makes a difference in your mood.
If you’re stressed or anxious, then it’s even more critical to nourish yourself in a healthy way. But unfortunately, many of us use our chronic stress as an excuse to overindulge in foods we know are bad for us.
What you eat makes a difference in your mood.
If you’re stressed or anxious, then it’s even more critical to nourish yourself in a healthy way as part of your regular self care practice. But unfortunately, many of us use our chronic stress as an excuse to overindulge in foods we know are bad for us.
Holistic chef and food for life coach, Cheryl Rojic is an expert in creating individualized healthy eating plans to lower stress and improve immune function.
Some foods Cheryl highly suggests avoiding food with the following, especially if you’re experiencing chronic long term stress:
Highly processed foods,
Foods loaded with sugar,
Artificial flavors and colors
Non-food substances or chemicals
She says that these choices are linked to poor gut health, which plays a critical role of the healthy functioning of the nervous system. The gut strongly influences the functioning of the brain and how we handle stress, both physically and mentally.
“Let’s use sugar for an example,” says Rojic. “Many of us indulge in sugary processed carbohydrates in times of stress – a candy bar, baked goods, alcohol. High levels of cortisol, the stress hormone, usually result in an amino acid deficiency which in turn causes those cravings for sugary, as well as fatty, foods.
“To further the negative affects of cortisol, it leads to the body creating new fat cells, enlarges fat cells, and even increases how much fatty tissue your body stores, especially belly fat.
“This stubborn belly fat in turn releases cortisol – if someone is chronically stressed, it’s nearly non-stop. And this cortisol causes even more cravings for sugar and fat.”
Rojic suggests that choosing foods to support gut health and blood sugar will help to balance cortisol (the stress hormone) levels in the body.
She recommends these foods that can help put an end to the rise in cortisol and control blood sugar spikes:
Complex carbohydrates: sweet potatoes, quinoa, beans, nuts, oats and seeds. These “comfort foods” actually promote production of serotonin, the “happy hormone.”
Foods rich in Vitamin C, such as red or orange bell peppers, strawberries and cauliflower.
Dark leafy greens are loaded with protein, calcium and magnesium, a mineral that promotes a relaxed state. Folate, in those leafy greens, as well as in asparagus, is essential for a calm feeling.
Berries are rich in phytonutrients and antioxidants that fight free radicals and help to balance mood. Even one square of high quality, pure dark chocolate (72% cacao or higher), reduces cortisol and increases serotonin.
In conclusion, the connection between food and stress and anxiety is a vicious cycle. We tend to eat the worst when we’re chronically stressed, but what we eat is essential to managing our stress, lowering stress hormones, and regulating blood sugar.
Cheryl Rojic is a holistic chef and food for life coach, serving up inspiration to change the way we nourish body, mind and heart. From simmer to boil, she will help sift out and render key ingredients to create a recipe for better health. As a thriving two-time cancer survivor, Cheryl has been dishing up plant-strong deliciousness with classes and gatherings for nearly 20 years.
3 Ways to Regulate Your Nervous System When You're Stressed
It can take less than 20 minutes to feel calm, relaxed muscles, easy breathing, calmer mind, at peace, and balanced emotionally.
It can take less than 20 minutes to feel calmer, have more relaxed muscles, breathe more freely, have a calmer mind, feel at peace, and feel more balanced emotionally.
Three of the most effective ways to come back into a parasympathetic (rest and digest) state involve your hands, your mouth and your breathing.
Your mouth, tongue, and jaw take up 35% of real estate in the sensory part of your brain and your hands take up another 35%. (It’s surprising to learn that the entire rest of your body only takes up the remaining 30%!) This means that these areas have the most influence over your mood and sense of well-being.
So it makes sense to work with one or both of the areas of your body that are the most sensitive, or available to sensing, in order to make the biggest improvements to calm you down, in the quickest and most efficient way.
Below are 3 self care practices for you to try. See if one of these helps you feel grounded, calmer, more physically relaxed, and able to breathe more naturally and freely. To learn more about what constitutes a “self care practice,” click here.
1. Natural Breathing
Many people recommend breathing deeply when there’s stress, to calm your nervous system and send the message to your brain and body that all is well, but I recommend natural, easy breathing.
If you think about it, deep breathing is what we do when there’s a big task to accomplish or when we have to prepare for action or have to exert ourselves. But natural, relaxed, easy breathing signals the body and brain that all is well.
Practice:
Lie on your back either on the floor or on your bed, and get comfortable. You can bend your knees and stand your feet or put a bolster underneath your knees.
Rather than having your head on a pillow, see if you can rest your head on a folded flat towel or folded yoga blanket so that your forehead and chin are on the same horizontal plane, and your throat is open (rather than your throat closed and your chin tilted lower than your forehead).
Relax your tongue and your jaw.
Follow your breathing. Notice if you’re breathing at all or if your breath is shallow. Simply follow your breathing. Don’t worry if your breath is shallow or uneven or if there are long gaps between each breath. Simply allow your body to inhale and exhale at its own pace.
Your brain knows how much oxygen your body needs at any given time. You’ll find that your breathing isn’t always even. It varies. Sometimes you may need more breath and sometimes it will be shallow. Sometimes you’ll notice a big space between breaths and sometimes your breath will quicken.
At first it will feel difficult and you’ll be tempted to control your inhales and exhales or do a pranayama breathing practice or yoga breathing that you’re already familiar with. But see if you can come back to your natural, uncontrolled breathing. You’re only observing — not forcing or making anything happen.
2. Hand Movements
As I mentioned above, because your hands take up 35% of your sensory brain space, your hands are extremely effective in lowering stress generally throughout your body.
Rolling your hands practice instructions:
Lie on your back either on the floor or on your bed, and have your legs long or bend your knees. You can also place a bolster under your knees — whatever you need to do to feel really comfortable. See #1 for recommendations regarding a pillow.
These movements are to be done very, very slowly, very small, only in the range that is completely comfortable (no stretching or straining or forcing), pause between each movement before doing the next, and rest as often as you like.
3. Mouth and Tongue Movements
As I mentioned earlier, your mouth, jaw and tongue also take up 35% of your sensory cortical space. Many people hold tension in their jaw, tongue, face and neck. This practice will not only help you release any unconsciously held tension in your mouth and jaw, but generally, throughout your entire body, as well.
In conclusion, these three, very efficient and effective ways to immediately relieve stress and regulate your nervous system involve observing your natural breathing, and sensing yourself as you make gentle, small, slow movements with your hands and mouth.
The above two audio recordings are from The Feldenkrais Method®, a somatic practice that helps people regulate their nervous system and let go of unconsciously held muscle tension patterns. To learn more about The Feldenkrais Method®, click here.
If you enjoyed these practices, and would like more information about online classes or working together, please email me.
Empower Your Body: Understanding the Sympathetic and Parasympathetic Nervous Systems
We have two main aspects of our autonomic nervous system that both perform very different functions.
We have two main aspects of our autonomic nervous system that both perform very different functions.
Sympathetic Nervous System
The sympathetic nervous system is responsible for the stress response. We commonly know it as fight, flight and freeze. It’s a survival mechanism. When you experience a threat, your body tells you to take action in one of these ways.
Some ways your body creates energy to deal with this perceived or real threat is:
Quickened breath and heart rate
Tensing muscles
Sweat
High blood pressure and more blood flow to your organs
Expanding blood vessels to allow you to get more blood flow and oxygen
Heightened senses
Release of blood sugar and fats from the body’s stores to be used for energy
Increased Cortisol levels (stress hormone)
If we remain in this sympathetic state longterm, we’re then in a chronic stress state, and this has longterm effects that we definitely want to avoid.
This is where the parasympathetic nervous system comes into play.
Parasympathetic Nervous System
The parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for the rest and digest response.
It tells your body to:
slow down
breathe and relax
the danger is over
cortisol levels falls back to normal
your body conserves energy
your heart rate slows
your digestion increases
You can literally “rest and digest” again.
One aspect of the autonomic nervous system is not better than the other — we want to be able to have access to the sympathetic nervous system when circumstances call for us to run or fight. But we’re designed to be able to go back and forth as needed–to take action and to recover.
Unfortunately many of us spend much more time in a sympathetic state than in a parasympathetic state and are chronically stressed.
And furthermore, some of us can’t feel we’re in an activated state because it’s become so “normal” to us, except we feel certain effects and aren’t sure why we have them.
For example, some of us are so used to chronically tense muscles or jaw, neck and shoulder tension or pain, but we don’t connect that chronic stress has caused this.
After a period of months or years, this chronically stressed state becomes “normal.” We sort of adjust and just live with the discomfort.
Some muscular tension patterns associated with a chronically stressed state are:
Contracted jaw
Small muscles in face are contracted
Eye tension
Neck and shoulder tension
Back tension and pain
Tension in hands or arms
Tension in pelvis, glutes, hips and thighs
Link here to learn more about what the physical symtoms of stress and anxiety look like in the body.
And our posture reflects this chronic muscle tension:
Head forward and down
Lack of mobility in our back, neck and shoulders
Contracted abdomen which restricts our breathing
Fortunately our brain and nervous system are capable of change.
They only need to be reminded of a healthier way. And not only can they change the unconscious muscular tension patterns, but the habitual patterns of reacting to the stress will also change through focusing on the body.
But we can’t over-ride the old, unhealthy habitual muscle patterns with force or muscular effort. We must use our brain, literally, to change our muscular patterns and relieve our own stress response.
The Feldenkrais Method® offers the way out of chronic stress-induced muscular tension patterns. In this method, either working one-on-one or in group classes, you’re guided into small, gentle movements while you pay attention to what you sense and feel in your body as you do these movements.
As you slowly move, you observe where you feel resistance or tension, or where you feel the quality of each movement go from easy and comfortable to resistance or forcing.
It’s through this focused attention, that you take in this sensory information, and your brain processes it, and then comes up with the most efficient, easy way to move.
And often, almost spontaneously, the tension is released.
This often happens within the first session or class. However because chronic tension has been reinforced for many months, and in some cases, years, it takes several sessions or a series of sessions or classes to maintain these new, healthier muscle patterns. But the end result is often lasting and provides people with tools to maintain this new healthier way of functioning comfortably on their own, without needed an “expert” to help them manage their pain forever.
So, in conclusion, when you’re chronically emotionally and mentally stressed, chances are you’re living mostly in a sympathetic nervous system state. In that state, muscle tension — skeletal muscles, smaller muscles of the face and eyes, muscles of the digestive system, and muscles of the neck that cause migraines as well, can contract. But fortunately, because your nervous system is always working on your behalf, these chronic habitual contraction patterns can be released. (Link here to learn more about how to improve chronic pain symptoms.)
How I Restored Myself with The Feldenkrais Method®
In 2015, I had moved from Denver to Washington, DC to be with someone with whom I had fallen in love. But within weeks of arriving, red flags began to appear. I made excuses for each thing because I loved this man and believed he was the person with whom I would spend the rest of my life.
In 2015, I had moved from Denver to Washington, DC to be with someone with whom I had fallen in love. But within weeks of arriving, red flags began to appear. I made excuses for each thing that happened because I really believed he was the person with whom I would spend the rest of my life. I'd jumped through hoops to make this move — I'd sold my home, left my friends, and heartbroken, left my son who had decided last minute to take a gap year before college. I'd started a new business in this new city and I believed we could make it work.
But within a couple of months of relocating, it became clear to me I was in a toxic, abusive relationship. I felt anxious and fearful that anything I might say or do would set off my partner into a rage — putting flatware in the dishwasher facing the wrong direction, hanging pots on the pot hanger in the wrong order, leaving my water bottle on the dining room table.
Essentially, my nervous system was responding as if I was living in a war zone, waiting for the next surprise attack of yelling and name calling or silent treatment.
My attention was not on myself, but on my environment, my partner's facial expressions, constantly scanning for clues of what was to come, being hypervigilant to say and do things "right" — to not cause an outburst. It was as if I was like living in a minefield and existing in the ancient limbic part of my brain — in survival.
On April 13, 2017, while riding on the back of his motorcycle at Joshua Tree National Park— a "vacation" my intuition warned me to avoid, we T-boned a car that was doing a U-turn in the middle of the road.
It was as if I was literally stopped in my tracks.
And although the accident resulted in me breaking my foot, a finger, and a rib, it was this accident that also saved my life.
I spent the next few days at my ex’s friend’s house in Palm Springs on pain meds before flying back to DC. When I returned, I cleared my work schedule. My abusive partner was suddenly attentive, kind and loving and I was all too ready to forget the past and believe he’d had a change of heart. I allowed myself to enjoy his attention and trust him… for two glorious weeks, until the abusive behavior started again.
We were getting ready to go to his country house in Virginia for the weekend and he asked me to pack the cooler while he took care of some business. I did my best with limited use of my arms and foot, and in the hurry to beat rush hour traffic, I forgot to pack the milk. And he was enraged. I forgot to pack the milk and now we’d have to stop on the way. He couldn’t count on me for anything — everything is always on his shoulders. He raged for miles and then refused to talk to me, and I felt myself afraid again. I was confused — was he right about me? Was everything always on his shoulders?
The cognitive dissonance and confusion and brain fog was muddying my ability to see clearly. The anxiety and depression from feeling that I couldn’t trust my own gut was back with a vengeance. Read this article for more symptoms of narcissistic abuse.
My recovery
When we returned to the city, I scheduled two Feldenkrais® sessions each week with a nearby practitioner for the next 3 months. I knew I needed to become physically self-sufficient as quickly as possible, to get solidly back on my feet and not be dependent on him. To learn more about how The Feldenkrais Method® works, click here.
Some sessions were almost magical — I felt such increased mobility and lack of pain that I had to pinch myself to believe the improvement I felt was possible. Each session was different from the one before, and I had varying results. But cumulatively, the improvements steadily continued.
By the end of July I was no longer in pain and had recovered much of my flexibility and function. Gradually, I was able to see my usual client load. I continued with weekly sessons and for another month and I kept improving physically.
the most surprising effect
But the most surprising effect was that I no longer felt I was completely focused outside of myself, scanning the horizon for danger every moment. I had embarked on Feldenkrais® sessions in order to improve my physical function and release pain. How could release of mental and emotional tension be a result of a this method as well?
Regardless of whether I understood mentally what was happening or whether I believed it was possible, the thing I knew for sure was that it was happening. I was feeling physically stronger and better and I was mentally and emotionally clearer, calmer and more grounded.
I felt connected to my own body. I could breath normally. I could sleep, after months of insomnia. I was developing the ability to feel myself, and the clarity to trust my thoughts and to leave a situation that would certainly have killed me.
If you or someone you know have experienced a relentless experience that has left you with physical symptoms of stress, anxiety and overwhelm, please consider The Feldenkrais Method® to help you find relief physical and nervous system relief. To learn more about the physical symptoms of stress and anxiety, click here.
Schedule your FREE 15 minute phone or video consultation here.
How the Feldenkrais Method® Helps to Alleviate Stress and Chronic Pain
The Feldenkrais method is a process that helps a person shift out of old patterns for good. It helps you identify and change habits that might be causing you pain and discomfort in exchange for long-term healing and relief.
The Feldenkrais method
When a person has experienced a stressful life event that has left them holding relentless tension in their body, chronic musculoskeletal pain and chronic anxiety often result. We think the only way to relieve this tension is to stretch or get deep massage. What we don’t understand is that the brain is responsible for directing all bodily functions, including directing our muscles to tense and “hold” our bones when it perceives instability or a lack of mobility.
In addition, when we’re in a sympathetic state of fight, flight or freeze, our nervous system dysregulates and we might feel constant anxiety and/or disconnect from our body. We try to meditate or rest as we’re told to do, but it’s almost painful to be still. We lose connection with ourselves, physically and mentally and our emotions can be all over the place.
Emotional tension = physical tension.
The Feldenkrais method is a process that helps a person reconnect to themself by identifying and changing chronic tension patterns, and shift out of them for good. To learn more about Feldenkrais®, click here.
This method helps a person identify and change habits that might be causing pain and discomfort in exchange for long-term healing and relief.
Feldenkrais® is a method of "learning" for the brain and nervous system that uses physical movement to help identify and then permanently change a person's musculoskeletal patterns or biases that cause chronic discomfort or pain.
This allows permanent relief for chronic pain and tension so that a person can move more freely and with ease, breathe more deeply, and regulate emotionally when stress arises. Feldenkrais gives a person back her life so that she can begin to participate in activities that she thought were out of reach and that make life worth living!
There are two aspects to the Feldenkrais method:
group classes
"Awareness Through Movement®” (ATM) classes are practiced in a room or on Zoom with other participants, similar to a yoga class, often lying on a mat while led through a series of movements by the instructor. These classes are cost effective and help empower individuals by giving them tools they can apply in their every day lives to make changes little by little.
Unlike other types of activities most of us are used to, in these classes students do the movements very slowly, make them very small, and avoid any and all discomfort. There is no stretching, forcing, straining or doing lots of repetitions. In fact, improvements happen after only two or three movements done with focused attention on ones’ own comfort. It’s a paradox — the smoother and easier a person makes a movement, even if they’re barely moving, the quicker and bigger transformation they experience!
Private in-person sessions
The other aspect of Feldenkrais is private sessions (called "Functional Integration"), that are done on a table, similar to a massage table. But that’s where the similarity to massage ends!
During these sessions, the practitioner moves the client very slowly into movement patterns that have been intelligently sequenced based on human physical development. We never force, stretch or impose any agenda on a person. In fact, as patterns of tension emerge in each person, we follow their body, and in a sense, do the work of their muscles for them so that these chronic unconscious musculoskeletal patterns of stress and tension unwind on their own.
I often suggest beginning with one session to see if it’s a good fit, and then move on to a series of ten sessions done fairly closely together so that the unwinding of these unconscious habitual muscular patterns and the creation of new, healthier neural pathways can be reinforced. Each person responds differently, which is why each person will have a unique treatment plan for the desired outcome. For more information about how to determine how often to schedule sessions, click here.
How to Balance Your Nervous System with Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy
Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy is a gentle, non-invasive hands-on treatment for the whole body where the practitioner listens to the system through her hands for any patterns of inertia or congestion.
You can get a massage for your body, but can you get a massage for your nervous system?
Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy is a gentle, non-invasive hands-on treatment for the whole body where the practitioner listens to the system through her hands for any patterns of inertia or congestion. The treatment is focused on supporting the health of the whole being, in particular the nervous system -- that system of the body that dictates all the functioning.
CST helps to relieve stress, tension and physical discomfort and brings the body back into balance. It supports the body’s innate ability to balance, restore and heal itself, as well as reduce stress. During or after a treatment, clients report feelings of calmness and often increased energy, with renewed clarity of mind and a feeling of well-being.
This type of therapy can stand by itself, but I love how it works alongside massage, which has it’s own set of physical, mental and emotional benefits. And because it is so gentle and non-invasive, crasniosacral therapy is suitable for everyone, including pregnant mothers and newborns. In fact, many midwives and doctors recommend craniosacral therapy during pregnancy because it calms the nervous system of both mother and child. When Mom's system is soothed and balanced during pregnancy, baby gains huge benefits.
Craniosacral therapy with massage is like receiving a massage on the inside and out!
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