What is Medical Trauma: Why It Stays With You and What You Can Do
You’ve been through a medical procedure or intervention — either planned or unexpected. It’s over and you’re home. It’s been months or even years and you’re still feeling upset about how you were treated or about something that happened, but your rational mind is telling you “it’s over, let it go.” But you can’t.
You’ve been through a medical procedure—planned or unexpected. It’s over. You’re home. And yet, something still doesn’t feel resolved. Maybe it’s been weeks, months, or even years, and a part of you still feels upset, unsettled, or even disturbed by how you were treated or what happened.
Your logical mind says, “It’s done, just move on.”
But your body hasn’t.
This is a common experience with medical trauma—a kind of trauma that often goes unrecognized because the focus of someone’s experience is placed solely on the medical intervention and whether or not it was successful. But unresolved survival responses can stay lodged in the nervous system, creating persistent discomfort, anxiety, or disconnection.
What Does Medical Trauma Look Like?
Medical trauma doesn’t always stem from dramatic events. It can arise from subtle or seemingly “routine” experiences, such as:
Being dismissed or ignored by providers
Experiencing rudeness or coldness from staff
Not being believed about pain or symptoms
Waking suddenly from anesthesia without support
Hearing disturbing conversations while sedated
Feeling unsafe, unseen, or out of control
Lingering pain or sensitivity around a scar
Physical tension, anxiety, or tears that arise when recalling the event
Traumatic medical experiences do not only include trauma from medical procedures. PTSD from medical treatment can be caused by a mis-attuned medical care team as well. And when the body isn’t given space to process an experience, the survival energy can remain stuck—leading to physical symptoms, emotional distress, or a sense that something “isn’t right.”
How to Support Yourself during a medical intervention
There are two important phases where support can make a real difference: before and after a procedure.
1. Preparation Before a Procedure
From a Somatic Experiencing® perspective, preparation helps regulate the nervous system in advance—reducing overwhelm and building a sense of agency.
Here is a short list of steps I recommend to begin with:
Understand the procedure—only as much as feels supportive
Meet your provider as a whole, not just as a patient or “procedure”
Know what to expect before, during, and after
Express your concerns or ask questions ahead of time
Line up post-op support (meals, childcare, rides, etc.)
Learn how to recognize natural trauma releases as it moves through your body (shaking, crying, trembling are normal and healthy releases)
When the nervous system knows it’s safe, it can downshift from survival mode and allow for deeper healing.
2. Build in Grounding During the Procedure
Even small moments of presence and grounding during medical events can dramatically reduce trauma response. You can:
Let your care team know ahead of time that you'd like space for calming techniques
Use grounding tools like:
Deep, intentional breaths
A meaningful photo
A soft object or blanket
Calming music through headphones (if permitted)
These tools help signal safety to the nervous system, which can reduce overwhelm and help keep you anchored.
Aftercare: Somatic Healing for Medical Trauma
If trauma has already occurred, Somatic Experiencing® offers a powerful path forward. Instead of reliving the event through story or analysis, SE gently guides you to revisit the edges of the experience in a resourced, gentle, safe way. To learn more about how Somatic Experiencing® can help, click here.
This process, called titration, allows the body to slowly release survival energy that was never completed. Over time, your body and brain can update the story: “It’s over. I’m safe now.”
Healing Is Possible
Whether you’re preparing for a future procedure or carrying an unresolved experience from the past, there is a way through. With somatic tools and intentional support, you can move from holding trauma in your body to restoring a sense of calm, safety, and wholeness.
How to Map Your Own Nervous System
It’s helpful to be able to identify where you are on the nervous system “map,” so that you know what type of tools and exercises will be the most helpful to get to Ventral vagus state of connection and safety.
Dr. Stephen Porges is a neuroscientist and trauma expert who created a model to understand and work with the autonomic nervous system called the Polyvagal Theory.
Dr. Porges discovered that the autonomic nervous system (ANS) is organized in three “subsystems” and we naturally move between each state:
The Ventral Vagal system, which is the newest part of our nervous system, and is concerned with social connection and safety
The Sympathetic system, the sencond oldest part of our nervous system concerned with fighting and fleeing
And the Dorsal Vagal system, the oldest part of our nervous system and is concerned with survival and freezing or playing dead.
Vagus Nerve
Each of these subsystems is controlled by the vagus nerve, the 10th and longest cranial nerve in our body. The vagus nerve runs from the brainstem to the intestines and is sometimes referred to as the “brain in the gut.”
The vagus nerve is remarkable because it is both afferent and efferent. This means that the vagus nerve takes information from the brain to the organs of the body, and from the organs of the body back to the brain. So a feedback loop works to keep us safe and alive. When the body feels safe and relaxed, it sends a message through the vagus nerve to the brain that all is well and we experience a mental sense of calm and safety.
Calming ourselves is not dependent on exterior circumstances resolving — we can use our body to calm our brain and nervous system. This is called a “bottom up” approach. Therapy and using the mind to calm us is a “top down” approach.
When our nervous system is overwhelmed, we can stay in either Sympathetic (fight or flight) or Dorsal Vagal (freeze and dissociation) or ping pong between the two states. Many of us live between these two states or in freeze with sudden surges of adrenaline. We call this having one foot on the brake and the other on the gas pedal.
It’s possible to gradually move more into the state of connection and safety, but it’s important to understand where we are on the Polyvagal “Map” so that we can utilize the most effective nervous system regulating techniques to move us in the appropriate direction from where we are at the moment.
In other words, the question is not only how to regulate nervous system physiology, but where are you currently on the spectrum so that you know which tools will be most effective.
Here’s a summary of the three states so you can identify where you are on the nervous system “map.”
Ventral Vagal
The ventral side of the vagus nerve responds to cues of safety and interactions in our environment. It supports feelings of physical safety and safe emotional connection to others in our social environment. It’s associated with feeling connected with others. This is the newest addition to the nervous system and when we’re in our ventral vagal nervous system, we feel grounded, safe, calm , connected and engaged. It’s a good place to make decisions from.
Ventral Vagal = Safe + Social
Communicates well
Resourced
Present
Connected + warm
Curious
Grounded
At ease
A good place from which to make decisions
Ready to learn
Physical:
Increased digestion, immune response, rest, oxytocin, breathing freely
Dorsal Vagal
The dorsal side of the vagus nerve responds to cues of danger. It pulls us away from connection, and into a state of self-protection and dissociation. In moments when we might experience a cue of extreme danger, we can shut down and feel frozen, an indication that our dorsal vagal nerve has taken over. It’s associated with being immobilized. When we’re in fear or we can’t call for help, fight or flee, our nervous system is overwhelmed, we shut down and get numb.
Dorsal Vagal = Immobilized + Freeze
Shutdown
Trapped
Disconnected
Numb
Hopeless
Helpless
Shame
Despair
Depressed
Emotions shut down
Dissociated
Physical:
Feels like a zombie, hard to get out of bed or off the sofa
Decreased eye contact, awareness, social behavior, libido, heart rate slows
Increased pain threshold, endorphins that numb pain
Sympathetic
The Sympathetic nervous system is associated with fight and flight. In this reponse, we mobilize in the face of a cue of danger. We spring into action with our adrenaline rush to get away or to fight off our threat. Often we stay in this part of our nervous system much longer than we need.
Sympathetic = Mobilized for Fight + Flight
Rage
Anger
Frustration
Irritation
Confrontational
Panic
Chronic stress
Anxiety
Jumpy
Worry
Hard to think
Impulsive
Ready to run
Easily activated, startled
Senses are on alert
Physical:
Increased heart rate, adrenaline, faster or restricted breathing
Decreased ability to relate to others, digestion
A Paradox
The important thing to know is that when we’re in Sympathetic, we can use calming techniques or exercises to bring us back into Ventral vagal. But inorder to return to Ventral vagal from Dorsal vagal (freeze) state, we need to go through the Sympathetic state... but this is more nuanced than it sounds.
Because freeze state is essentially immobilization, we need to gently and slowly mobilize in order to find safety and connection. We cannot get to safety by doing calming exercises. At first this seems like a paradox.
But if you think about when a hibernating bear wakes up, there’s a lot of immobilization energy to jump start, and it can’t happen quickly. At first Mr. Bear will move his arms and legs, then he’ll scratch and stretch, then he’ll groom himself. (Yes, I did research how a bear comes out of hibrernation for this article). He’ll be a bit groggy and he’ll move slowly as he emerges from his den. He doesn’t jump right into socializing, nor does he jump into action. He has a transition period which includes slow, gentle mobilizing.
Coming out of a freeze or dissociated state is much like a hibernating bear waking up.
Rather than jumping up quickly or doing something super calming, our nervous system requires some very slow, gentle movement. This actually mobililzes us and we’re able to enter into a Ventral vagal state of safety and connection more naturally.
Unfortunately many well-intentioned nervous system regulation advice on social media doesn’t understand this about freeze state and suggests calming exercises for freeze state or overly activating exercises (for example, activating breathwork) for either state that doesn’t serve any purpose.
Therefore, the more you understand about where you are on the map and what you need to regulate, the better.
Your next step…
It’s helpful to be able to identify where you are on the nervous system “map,” so that you know what type of tools will be the most helpful to get to Ventral vagus state.
Once you have a clear sense of where you are on the Polyvagal map, and a clear sense of where you need to go to regulate, your next step is to find techniques and exercises that you enjoy and relate to that you’re willing to commit to practicing regularly (daily) to begin creating new neural patterns.
Trauma Informed Bodywork and Somatic Experiencing® for Narcissistic Abuse
The Feldenkrais Method® and Somatic Experiencing® are two robust somatic methods that help release chronic muscle tension and regulate the nervous system. One tool helped me learn to sense and feel safety in my body and to trust my own inner guidance again, while the other tool helped me release the powerful thwarted energy that got stuck in my body, causing me chronic pain and fatigue.
A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships reports that about 25% of individuals have experienced some form of narcissistic abuse in their relationships.
From 2012-2017 I myself was in a narcissistic abusive relationship.
I recognize that the term “narcissist” is a buzz word these days, but I’ve had several licensed clinicians confirm that this person was someone with textbook NPD, Narcissist Personality Disorder. Anyone who’s experienced this, is unfortunately very familiar with the signs, symptoms and predictable cycles.
Even if a person is able to leave a traumatic situation of this type, they are often left with emotional and physical symptoms that don’t simply “go away” or fade over time.
One of the characteristics of a narcissistic abusive relationship is that it’s insidious. This means the cues of danger may not be present at the onset and they develop gradually without being noticed.
In other words, narcissistic abuse often starts slowly and gradually worsens over time.
Relationships of this type usually begins with “love-bombing," a phase where the abuser initially seems loving, generous and supportive. It can be so intense that the victim feel the abuser is too good to be true, “the love of their life.” Then, the abuser slowly begins to use manipulative tactics, such as gaslighting and belittling, silent treatment, passive aggression, and triangulation, to undermine the victim's self-worth and confidence. This is intermingled with intermittent acts of kindness so the victim becomes confused about which version of their abuser is real. As time goes on, the abuser adds in verbal abuse and sometimes physical abuse.
The aftermath
In my own case, the experience left me with severe and long-lasting effects on my physical and mental health including PTSD.
I went to therapy regularly for a number of years and found that talking about what I had experienced only made my physical symptoms of anxiety and my depression worsen. I tried EMDR and it didn’t really help me, although I know it helps some people and it’s recognized as “evidence based” by the American Psychiatric Association.
For me, what began to change my physiology and regulate my nervous system was trauma-informed somatic work.
Note: If you are more comfortable staying with traditional, medical evidence-based psychotherapeutic techniques like CBT, then what I’m about to share may not resonate with you and that’s okay. It’s up to each individual to choose what methods make the most sense to them. If you’re in the midst of a narcissistic abusive relationship, it makes sense to stay with your therapist and add in somatic work once you’ve left the situation and are safe. In writing about this, my goal is to share some lesser-known alternatives to traditional psychotherapy or medication that worked for me and for many others.
Common physical symptoms of anxiety and hypervigilance include:
Digestive issues, nausea
Not being able to eat or overeating
Chronic neck, shoulder and back pain
Physiology of “bracing” or “contracing”
Jaw pain
Joint pain, sciatica
Shallow breathing or not being able to take a deep breath
Headaches and migraines
Racing heart
Sweaty palms
Face heating up suddenly
Migraines, headaches
Trembling, shaking, twitching, buzzing
Insomnia
Chronic fatigue
Some emotional symptoms—that are not always talked about—may include:
Feeling like you’ve always done something wrong
Feeling confused about what’s really true (cognitive dissonance)
You don’t recognize yourself, feeling lost and empty
Feeling isolated
Shame and hiding what you’re experiencing from others
Feeling anxious or depressed or hopeless
Trouble setting boundaries
Are ready to forgive and forget at the first sign of kindness
Loss of self trust; disconnected from your own intuition
A feeling of overwhelm (or freeze)
Feeling like you’ll die if you leave them (trauma bonding)
Hypervigilant - “Walking on eggshells” like you’re constantly waiting for the next attack
Two effective Somatic Tools: The Feldenkrais Method® and Somatic Experiencing®
In the case of narcissistic abuse, we feel we’re “under attack” 24/7 — unless, of course, the abuser senses they’ve gone too far and then they are attentive and loving as they were in the beginning of the relationship. When this happens and they show signs of the person we first met, we wonder why we felt so anxious and we wipe the slate clean, only to go through another cycle of abuse.
We’re stuck in a state of hypervigilance and confusion and it takes its toll on our brain, nervous system and body.
Feldenkrais is a gentle, non-invasive way to reconnect to your body so that you can sense, feel and trust yourself.
The Feldenkrais Method®, a robust somatic method that helps release chronic muscle tension and regulate the nervous system, was the first tool I used in order to learn to trust my own inner guidance again.
Amidst the chaos in my daily life during the abuse, this somatic work allowed me to reconnect to my body and listen. I was able to feel those physical cues of danger. For example, when I felt my stomach tense, I knew my body was telling me to listen. When I felt my chest or throat constrict, I was able to trust myself vs being confused. I began to be less dissociated or out of my body and to feel a sense of safety and grounding that I hadn’t felt before.
Before I was constantly scanning my environment and his face for cues of danger because I was dissociated. But now, I could feel my body give me cues and I knew I could trust it.
Feldenkrais is also an effective way for someone to learn to self regulate. During narcissistic abuse, it wasn’t safe to “relax” deeply. The constant threat of being under attack was always present. This method allows muscle tension to release effortlessly, and muscle tension = emotional tension.
This method— whether working 1:1 with a practitioner or taking group classes — allows a person to:
Unwind habits of stress and overstimulation
Regulate breathing
Relax muscles and ease joint pain
Respond vs reacting
Calm the mind and emotions
Feel grounded
Improve sleep
Feel a sense of safety, well being or neutral
Somatic Experiencing® (SE) is another somatic method that helps a person complete threat response cycles.
For example, when I felt the desire to fight back or speak up about the abusive treatment I was receiving, but I remained silent because I was afraid of the consequences, that powerful “fight” energy got stuck in my body. It had no where to go but inward.
Or when I felt the deserate desire to get away, but couldn’t leave — again, that energy was thwarted, and stayed lodged in the physical tissues of my body: in my muscles, joints, gut, jaw, etc.
This is common in any traumatic situation. But with narcissistic abuse, it’s especially relentless and continuous, and takes a significant toll on a person’s mind and body.
Some time after I finally left the relationship, I found myself with sciatica and plantar fasciitis, and chronic fatigue, but it made no rational sense. Now I know that was stuck energy. With Feldenkrais and SE, that chronic pain and fatigue has dissipated. I’m gradually increasing my energy and health.
Next Steps
As a client and practitioner of both of these robust somatic methods, and several others, I have found that the somatic option for releasing trauma from the body is far more effective than talking about the experience.
If you or someone you know has experienced narcissistic abuse, you may consider trauma-informed somatic work to help you on your healing journey.
Please allow me to support you in this process. If you’d like to talk in person, please schedule a free 15 minute consultation to see if working together is a good fit for you. We can work in person in San Diego or online. Schedule here or email me and I’ll get right back to you.
Calm Your Stress with These 4 Powerful Breathing Techniques
Did you know that slowing your breathing helps you calm down, and that taking a few minutes to do breathing exercises can help relax your mind and body, making it easier to cope with stress and anxiety?
Did you know that slowing your breathing helps you calm down, and that taking a few minutes to do breathing exercises can help relax your mind and body, making it easier to cope with stress and anxiety?
In fact, it’s almost futile to try to put mindset or focusing techniques into practice when your nervous system is dysregulated. It’s like putting whip cream on poop and expecting it to taste good — pardon the metaphor! Basically, you just cannot ignore or override a dysregulated nervous system! (To learn more about your nervous system, click here.)
It’s scientifically proven that breathing not only helps us calm down in a moment when we’re activated, but also makes it easier to access and use what we’ve learned.
For example, if you have a presentation or exam coming up, doing one of these breathing techniques will help you think and access the information more clearly. (To learn more about the physical symptoms of stress and anxiety, click here.)
We also know that continued shallow breathing can actually do the opposite, keeping our bodies in a cycle of stress and affecting everything from our mental to physical health. When we are stressed, we tend to close down in a number of ways and, while this can feel protective, it often deprives us of needed emotional, cognitive and physical resources. It can even make us more likely to get sick.
Here are four simple breathing exercises you can do to relieve stress anywhere and anytime. Try using them daily, whether you are clearly feeling stressed or not. If you practice them as a maintenance practice, it will be easier and more efficient for your body to acclimate right away. You can also use any of these breathing techniques whenever you feel impatient or frustrated (like waiting in line), or in moments when you feel uptight, overwhelmed, stressed, or anxious. For more information about what “self care” means, click here.”
Box Breathing
This exercise is a classic. You can do it while sitting or lying down.
1. Exhale all the air from your lungs while counting to four.
2. Hold for a count of four, keeping your lungs completely empty.
3. Inhale a deep, full breath for a count of four.
4. Keep your lungs full for a count of four.
Repeat for at least 4 rounds but reduce or rest if you feel light-headed.
4-2-6-2 Breathing
This is as an effective way to calm the sympathetic (fight + flight) nervous system response and activate your parasympathetic (rest + digest) nervous system when you feel activated or stressed. Sometimes I do this one when I’m with people who I feel tension around and and they don’t even know I’m doing it. It really helps!
1. Breathe in for a count of 4
2. Hold for a count of 2
3. Breathe out for a count of 6
4. Hold for a count of 2
Repeat 5X.
Next,
1. Breathe in for a count of 4
2. Hold for a count of 2
3. Breathe out for a count of 8
4. Hold for a count of 2
Repeat 5X.
You’ll find it becomes easy to keep adding 2 counts to each exhale after 5 repetitions of each set.
Relaxing NADA Yoga Breathing
Sit in a comfortable position. Your eyes can be open or closed.
1. Close your mouth and inhale through your nose for 4 counts.
2. Hold your breath for 2 counts.
3. With your mouth closed, “Hummmmm” for as long as it takes you to empty your lungs. This makes a buzzing sound that sounds like a bee. This will vibrate in your chest, throat and head.
4. Hold for 2 counts, and repeat steps 1-3 six times.
Falling Out Breath
I actually found this one on the Noom app and really like it for helping to release physical tension from my body.
1. Take a deep breath in, filling your lungs as much as possible.
2. At the top of your breath, take one more sip of air.
3. Exhale with a big, out-loud sigh (“HHHAAAAA”) as you release the air.
Do this for 1-2 minutes.
Dealing with Chronic Stress? Use This Technique to Soothe Your Amygdala
On a daily basis, we’re triggered by other people and situations, and often, this reaction is based on our amygdala innately and vigorously attempting to protect us from what it perceives as danger.
On a daily basis, we’re triggered by other people and situations numerous times. Often, the intensity of our reaction is based on our amygdala innately vigorously attempting to protect us from what it perceives as danger.
The amygdala is the oldest part of the human brain concerned with survival. It’s part of the limbic system, and it stores traumatic encoding in its cells.
From the time you were a child, when you first had an experience that your brain determined as unsafe or scary, little antenae-like structures called AMPA receptors formed on the surface of the brain cells of your amygdala.
The job of the amygdala is to constantly scan for threatening stimuli and alert you when it perceives danger. So it makes sense that you might have found that the same types of experiences throughout your life have evoked the same types of feelings and reactions throughout your life.
The past influences your present
We tend to believe the past is the past, and we should be able to move past these things now that we’re grown up.
With this mindset, it’s likely that you’ve never really connected the dots from a reaction you have in adulthood to something that happened in childhood.
You might have found that you repeatedly react to certain stimuli (people and experiences) without thinking or consulting the rational part of your brain, the prefrontal cortex. Maybe you feel anger or fear without understanding why your reaction seems bigger than what the situation calls for.
It’s not that you’re weak or bad or can’t control yourself. You, like everyone, are literally wired to perceive “trauma” (and I mean that in the most biological sort of way)!!!
These little AMPA receptors’ only job is to alert you to danger. They don’t reason or rationalize or differentiate circumstances. They alert you to fight, flight, freeze or fawn.
Once the amygdala is activated, it’s usually very hard to calm it enough to think clearly and engage the prefrontal cortex, the rational thinking part of your brain that responds to situations with clear judgment and an awareness of long-term consequences.
Because traumatic encoding is held in the cells of your amygdala for ever, and these subconscious triggers are always present, it often feels like it’s hopeless to let go of old patterns of reacting and behaving.
I personally have been in therapy for much of my adult life and what I’ve found is that endlessly talking about those past situations that caused the trauma sometimes seems to make me feel worse. Now I know that talking about the traumatic situation and feeling those familiar “bad” feelings, actually triggers the AMPA receptors on the cells of my amygdala to go on alert. Each time this happens, I’m reinforcing these old neural pathways of these brain cells.
HOW TO Stop old subconscious patterns
I’ve found that using a method called Havening Technique® bridges the gap between feeling triggered and in fight, flight or freeze, to feeling calm and being able to think rationally and problem solve.
Havening is a tool that helps de-traumatize the nervous system by removing or altering the emotional memory of traumatic or stressful life events and their negative effects.
By diffusing or eliminating the intense “charge,” it’s helped me overcome some of my lifelong habitual reactions like feeling unsafe, the need to lash out, and sudden feelings of intense anger — all caused by traumatic or stressful encoding. When the unexpected triggering in mitigated, I can move on to relating to myself and others in a more rational, empathetic way.
The method is equally effective both virtually and in person.
If this is something you’d like to learn more about, email me for more information or feel free to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation to get a clearer sense whether this is something that might help you.
Use This 5 Minute Self Care Practice to Ground Yourself
Havening is a psychosensory technique that calms the nervous system and help you feel grounded, calm and peaceful.
Havening Technique® is a psychosensory technique that calms the nervous system and help you feel grounded, calm and peaceful.
Havening® is a technique facilitated by a certified practitioner, and can also be practiced at home as a self care practice to build resilience and soothe your nervous system. To learn more about self care practices, click here.
By slowly rubbing your hands together while either distracting yourself (I’ll explain this below) or imagining yourself in a peaceful setting, Delta waves, the slowest brain waves, are created. These Delta waves release oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin and GABA, the “happiness hormones,” and actually soothe and calm you emotionally, mentally and physically, in just 5-7 minutes.
Please note: if the feelings you’re experiencing are intense (above 3 on a scale of 1-10, 10 being highly triggered), I recommend you check with a qualified psychotherapist before trying this method or find a certified Havening Technique® practitioner, like myself, to assist you.
Time investment
5-7 minutes
Do this when
You feel stressed, anxious, overwhelmed, sad, grief, angry, need support
You want to expand and embody the feeling of calm, peace and love within yourself
You’d like to try Havening® as part of your regular self care practice
Benefits
Release of “happy hormones” (oxytocin, seratonin, dopamine and GABA) to calm and soothe
Regulate your nervous system (To learn more about your nervous system, click here.)
Feel more embodied
Sense of well-being
To set up you’ll need
A private space with a comfortable place to sit. Optional: a pillow on which you can rest your elbows.
Instructions
Begin to rub the palms of your hands together slowly, as if you were gently washing your hands
Breathe freely and naturally
If you’re feeling any distress (worried, sad, angry, fearful, etc.), begin to distract yourself as follows:
Count backwards slowly from 30-0 by 3s
Hum “Row Row Row Your Boat” 3X
Spell your first and last name backwards
List zoo animals for each letter of the alphabet. (Note: skip any letters if you can’t think of an animal. The answer isn’t important; you are engaging your brain in a certain way.)
Imagine yourself in your favorite place in nature. Based on what makes sense, observe what you see, hear, smell, feel, taste. (For example, imagine the sun on your face, the feeling of your feet in the sand, or the sounds of the waves lapping on the shore, the smell of seaweed.)
If you have trouble holding the visual image of yourself in nature, or find yourself feeling any emotional distress, then go back to steps #1-3.
Continue to haven continuously through all 4 steps. When you feel a sense of peace and calm, say the words out loud: “I am peace.” (or fill in the blank with a word that fits any good feeling you are able to authentically feel now).
Here's the Technique You Need to Calm Your Mind and Transform Your Emotional State
Havening is a psychosensory technique that calms the nervous system and can help you feel grounded, calm and peaceful.
Havening is NOT psychotherapy or talk therapy, and it is always recommended that you are working with a health care provider, especially if you are on medication. This is a form of somatic therapy and helps give relief on a subconscious level as well as providing you with tools for self soothing as a self care practice.
Havening is a psychosensory technique that calms the nervous system and can help you feel grounded, calm and peaceful. Psychosensory techniques are a form of therapeutic technique that use sensory stimuli to affect psychological and emotional health.
Dr. Ronald Ruden, a Harvard trained medical doctor who specializes in emotional trauma, neuroscience, and addictions, is the creator of Havening.
Over 30 years ago, he observed how, in most cases, a distressed infant is soothed quickly by gentle stroking on his back. Ruden researched the benefits of intentional touch on different areas of the body, concluding that when the upper arms, palms of the hands, and face are stroked gently and repeatedly, Delta waves are created in the body.
Delta brainwaves are the slowest brain waves, and they release oxytocin, dopamine, seratonin and GABA, also known as the “happiness hormones,” into the blood stream. These hormones are responsible for a neurochemical reaction that releases traumatically encoded memories that are stored in the amygdala, which leave a person feeling calmer, centered and resilient.
Havening uses sensory input in order to alter a thought, mood, or behavior. It’s believed that when you perceive an event or experience as traumatic or stressful, it becomes immutably encoded in your brain and body, often with life-changing consequences. Havening is designed to de-traumatize your nervous system by removing, altering, or diffusing the intensity of the emotional memory of your traumatic or stressful life event and its negative effects.
Havening is a somatic modality that is designed to help overcome problems caused by traumatic or stressful encoding, and it uses touch and the senses as its main tools.
In a session, a client has the opportunity to release the intense feelings around a traumatic event like an automobile accident or even a relationship or work-related situation — anything that has been disruptive and you feel its influence on your life in some uncomfortable way.
It also helps release familiar long standing emotions or behaviors such as constant fear, guilt, shame, worry or, for example, a familiar feeling like “waiting for the other shoe to drop” that have been with you ever since you can remember. Havening Technique® is designed to ease symptoms of chronic stress and anxiety. To learn more about what survival nervous system responses feel like, click here.
If you’d like to try self-havening at home, and feel the self-soothing effects of the “happiness hormones” for yourself, check out this blog post “Havening self care practice.”
Havening can benefit emotional stress in connection with:
Nervousness
Persistent worrying
Everyday stress
Feeling overwhelmed
Test anxiety
Fear about illness
Fear of heights
Afraid of the dark
Fear of flying
Fear of animals
Fear of abandonment
Fear of being out of control
Grieving
Caregiver support
Death of a loved one or pet
Letting go of past relationships
Abandonment
Physical or verbal assault
Childhood memories
Bullying
Traumatic accidents
Witnessing disturbing events
Relationships with parents, partners, bosses or colleagues, children
Anger, frustration
Guilt
Sadness
Shame, humiliation
Body image issues
Physical discomfort associated with stress
Sports performance enhancement
Emotional resilience and wellbeing
Find Calm in 3 Minutes: Master This Breathwork Practice for Instant Stress Relief
In 3 minutes you can shift your mood from stressed or anxious to calm and grounded.
In 3 minutes you can shift your mood from stressed or anxious to calm and grounded. (Learn more about the physical symptoms of stress and anxiety here.)
In light of ongoing uncertainty, everyone should have this quick practice in their stress relief medicine cabinet these days!
This can be done in moments when you feel anxious, fearful, overwhelmed, alone or isolated. But I also recommend practicing this when you feel good!
Practicing when you’re NOT triggered or stressed helps to train your nervous system to down regulate more quickly. You essentially train your nervous system to learn to let go and respond in the way you want vs. always reacting to stress when it blindsides you.
So, when you practice at times when you feel neutral or good, this practice becomes even more effective at times when you feel triggered and really need to calm and sooth yourself quickly.
One option is to set your phone alarm throughout the day, based on your schedule. If your schedule allow, you can set your alarm for each hour. Or you can wait until you’re at home and set your alarm, if this is more realistic. There’s really no right or wrong way to do this.
The idea is to create new neural pathways so that when you feel anxiety, fear, worry, anger or any of your usual “triggers” arise, you can catch yourself, acknowledge the feeling and begin the heart breath practice to calm yourself. (To learn more about how to integrate self care practices into your life, click here.)
Heart Breath
Time investment: 3 minutes.
Set up
You can be seated, lying down or standing.
If you’re outside, if you’re outside, stand with your feel on the ground and imagine roots from your feet extending deep into the earth
Do this when
You feel anxious
You feel fearful
You’re overwhelmed
You feel abandoned emotionally
Benefits
Regulates heartrate and breathing
Uses the vagus nerve to bring a parasympathetic state of coherence throughout your body
Calms nervous system
Builds self trust
Gives you sense of peace
Gives you sense of safety
Practice
Place both hands over your heart.
Focus your attention on the area of your heart.
Begin to breathe in and out of your heart space.
Optional: allow a memory or imagined moment of something that brings you a sense of peace, calm, appreciation, gratitude, or some other regenerative feeling and bring that feeling into your heart as you continue to breathe in and out of your heart.
4 Warning Signs Your Body is Reacting to Stress - Don't Ignore These Physical Symptoms
Most of us believe that when we finally leave an intensely stressful situation, life will be so much better in all the ways. And while it’s true that it’s a relief to not have the original stressors to deal with on a daily or hourly basis, the journey has, in some ways, only just begun.
Most of us believe that when we finally leave an intensely stressful situation, life will be so much better in all the ways.
And while it’s true that it’s a relief to not have the original stressors to deal with on a daily or hourly basis, the journey has, in some ways, only just begun.
In any life situation where you’ve experienced the feeling of not knowing when that next stressful moment will occur––whether you’ve been in an abusive relationship of some nature; you’ve been the caretaker for your loved one and have lived day-to-day, waiting for the phone to ring with more test results; or you’ve gone through a contentious divorce with an anxiety-producing legal battle––your nervous system and your entire body has been deeply affected.
Now that the “cause” of your stress has been removed from your life (and perhaps replaced by other emotions like grief, etc.), you’re left to put yourself back together again. And this can be complex and overwhelming to figure out on your own.
When you’ve been living in a cocktail of adrenaline and cortisol, you will likely be left with health concerns and you might not have even connected them to your stressful life situation.
For example, once I was out of my abusive day to day situation, I was exhausted. I spent most of the next two years lying on the couch in my spare time. Following my departure from my abusive situation, my commute was a 15 minute walk through Capitol Hill to my DC office. I had to leave 30 minutes early so that I could lie down before seeing my first client.
After seeking medical help and being told “it was all in my head,” and I needed to relax, I finally found a functional medicine doctor who agreed to do some more detailed blood tests. I learned that my adrenals were scrapping by. Apparently living in a hormonal cocktail of adrenaline and cortisol takes it toll. It’s taken me several years of conscious eating specific to my condition and rest to support my adrenals. A qualified practitioner guided me to regain my energy.
Some people find their hormones are completely out of wack after a chronic stressful situation. Others have elevated symptoms of fibromyalgia or autoimmune diseases or joint pain.
Many people are left with relentless chronic muscle tension or pain. This can show up in many different ways — one might not even think it’s related to muscle tension.
1.
Common “muscle tension” from stress and anxiety can look like:
Jaw pain or TMJ symptoms
Neck and shoulder pain
Back or pelvis pain
2.
But other, less obvious muscle-tension issues can show up as headaches or migraines. When the larger and small muscles of your neck and head contract, this can cause issues you might think are unrelated. You might think all you need to do is stretch or have deep pressure in the specific areas of discomfort. Unfortunately this will not give you lasting relief.
3.
Some people find they have digestive issues, and this can also be related to muscle tension. The parasympathetic nervous system is designed to “rest and digest,” but when we’re chronically stuck in the sympathetic response, “fight or flight,” our digestion isn’t able to function in a healthy way.
4.
Insomnia can be another result of a dysregulated nervous system. And lack of sleep creates other health concerns.
Most physical issues can be linked back to a nervous system that is not functioning optimally because of chronic stress and anxiety. This is the time we need the most support and it’s also the time we’re least able to think clearly or take action to help ourselves.
But the root cause of the physical symptoms is a dysregulated nervous system that has been in fight flight response for a long period of time. Chronic stress responses, including muscle contraction, have been practiced over and over again.
Of course you want relief, however the most efficient way to relieve multiple symptoms at once is to calm your nervous system at the level of your body.
Please see my blog post “Recovering your mind, body and nervous system” to learn more about how to cover all bases when you get out of the situation and want an efficient plan to help move yourself forward the most efficiently and in a timely way.
Please try this audio recording to calm your stress and anxiety. Even if you don’t have stress, you might find you feel calmer, physically relaxed, and at peace!
3 Ways to Regulate Your Nervous System When You're Stressed
It can take less than 20 minutes to feel calm, relaxed muscles, easy breathing, calmer mind, at peace, and balanced emotionally.
It can take less than 20 minutes to feel calmer, have more relaxed muscles, breathe more freely, have a calmer mind, feel at peace, and feel more balanced emotionally.
Three of the most effective ways to come back into a parasympathetic (rest and digest) state involve your hands, your mouth and your breathing.
Your mouth, tongue, and jaw take up 35% of real estate in the sensory part of your brain and your hands take up another 35%. (It’s surprising to learn that the entire rest of your body only takes up the remaining 30%!) This means that these areas have the most influence over your mood and sense of well-being.
So it makes sense to work with one or both of the areas of your body that are the most sensitive, or available to sensing, in order to make the biggest improvements to calm you down, in the quickest and most efficient way.
Below are 3 self care practices for you to try. See if one of these helps you feel grounded, calmer, more physically relaxed, and able to breathe more naturally and freely. To learn more about what constitutes a “self care practice,” click here.
1. Natural Breathing
Many people recommend breathing deeply when there’s stress, to calm your nervous system and send the message to your brain and body that all is well, but I recommend natural, easy breathing.
If you think about it, deep breathing is what we do when there’s a big task to accomplish or when we have to prepare for action or have to exert ourselves. But natural, relaxed, easy breathing signals the body and brain that all is well.
Practice:
Lie on your back either on the floor or on your bed, and get comfortable. You can bend your knees and stand your feet or put a bolster underneath your knees.
Rather than having your head on a pillow, see if you can rest your head on a folded flat towel or folded yoga blanket so that your forehead and chin are on the same horizontal plane, and your throat is open (rather than your throat closed and your chin tilted lower than your forehead).
Relax your tongue and your jaw.
Follow your breathing. Notice if you’re breathing at all or if your breath is shallow. Simply follow your breathing. Don’t worry if your breath is shallow or uneven or if there are long gaps between each breath. Simply allow your body to inhale and exhale at its own pace.
Your brain knows how much oxygen your body needs at any given time. You’ll find that your breathing isn’t always even. It varies. Sometimes you may need more breath and sometimes it will be shallow. Sometimes you’ll notice a big space between breaths and sometimes your breath will quicken.
At first it will feel difficult and you’ll be tempted to control your inhales and exhales or do a pranayama breathing practice or yoga breathing that you’re already familiar with. But see if you can come back to your natural, uncontrolled breathing. You’re only observing — not forcing or making anything happen.
2. Hand Movements
As I mentioned above, because your hands take up 35% of your sensory brain space, your hands are extremely effective in lowering stress generally throughout your body.
Rolling your hands practice instructions:
Lie on your back either on the floor or on your bed, and have your legs long or bend your knees. You can also place a bolster under your knees — whatever you need to do to feel really comfortable. See #1 for recommendations regarding a pillow.
These movements are to be done very, very slowly, very small, only in the range that is completely comfortable (no stretching or straining or forcing), pause between each movement before doing the next, and rest as often as you like.
3. Mouth and Tongue Movements
As I mentioned earlier, your mouth, jaw and tongue also take up 35% of your sensory cortical space. Many people hold tension in their jaw, tongue, face and neck. This practice will not only help you release any unconsciously held tension in your mouth and jaw, but generally, throughout your entire body, as well.
In conclusion, these three, very efficient and effective ways to immediately relieve stress and regulate your nervous system involve observing your natural breathing, and sensing yourself as you make gentle, small, slow movements with your hands and mouth.
The above two audio recordings are from The Feldenkrais Method®, a somatic practice that helps people regulate their nervous system and let go of unconsciously held muscle tension patterns. To learn more about The Feldenkrais Method®, click here.
If you enjoyed these practices, and would like more information about online classes or working together, please email me.
What Does Anxiety Do to Your Body? Look Out for These Patterns
Stress and anxiety are completely normal. The universal response to a difficult situation or to perceived threats are common to every person.
When you find yourself in a stressed or anxious state, there is a typical “body pattern” that takes place unconsciously—a general set of muscular contractions that are linked to each other and affect a person’s entire body. This physical pattern is universal to all humans.
In fact, this general pattern of muscle tension is innate—that is, we’re born with it!
Physical pattern of stress and anxiety
The pattern looks something like this:
• There is a tendency to round forward: shoulders round forward (protectively), our entire spine/back rounds, and we roll slightly backwards on the pelvis into a sort of “pelvic tilt.”
• On the back of our body, we feel this as pulling or muscular tension in various areas of the back: neck, shoulders, shoulder blades, mid/lower back, pelvis/hip tightness or pain, sciatica.
• This rounded muscle pattern in the back on the body creates an opposite pattern In the front of our body. We feel tightness in our throat or chest and our chest stiffens, which also changes our breathing to be shallow (because our diaphragm is contracted from the rounding forward), our abdominal muscles contract (which often shows up as digestive discomfort).
• Because we organize our entire body around where our eyes are looking, our head comes forward and down and our neck muscles strain to hold our heavy head in this position. This contracts the muscle tension around the face and jaw, and vision can be affected
In other words, this innate physical pattern of stress and anxiety affects the movement in our back, neck and shoulders and jaw, as well as our freedom in breathing and digestion.
This muscular pattern is common in every person.
This becomes a problem for us when stress or anxiety occurs over a period of time. We unconsciously habituate toward this restrained state of tension, contraction and restricted mobility.
Over time, it becomes painful. And when these unconscious stress response patterns are practiced over and over again, it reinforces in the brain (and neural pathways) that this stressful situation is still present, even if that situation happened five or even twently years ago.
We develop this muscular situation and have adapted to it over time, so we forgot what it feels like to feel comfortable and loose and easeful in our bodies. We’ve forgotten what easy breathing is and what feeling freedom in movement is like.
We’ve unconsciously created a habit of being stressed muscularly.
The good news is that as human beings, we’re very good at creating habits, and because of something called neural plasticity—the ability for our brains to change—we can also change muscle contraction habits to something more functional and healthy.
Our brain and nervous system is extraordinary and capable of change.
Our brain only needs to be reminded of a healthier, more efficient way becayse our nervous system is attracted to feeling better and will always move in this direction of health when given the option to do so.
How do you do this?
You begin to learn how to observe where you feel these unconscious contractions in your body that have become a habit over time, and then you can learn to organize yourself to move away from these habitual stress patterns and to move toward ease and relief.
The Feldenkrais Method® is one effective way to change these old unhealthy unconscious muscle tension patters to new, healthier patterns. When taking group classes or working privately with a practitioner, you learn to make small, slow movements and pay attention to what you sense and feel in your body as you do them. The movements themselves are less important than your ability to pay attention to where you feel the slightest bit of resistance or tightness or discomfort. And then you make the movement even smaller and slower and, almost spontaneously, you find that the ease and comfort of the movement improves. Your brain takes in this sensory information and processes it, and then immediately comes up with a more efficient way for you to move with ease.
When you become aware of what it is that you’re doing, you’re able to interrupt what you do. That habitual thing you’ve done for years or even decades suddenly becomes responsive to change.
It seems almost “magical,” but the brain in nothing less than brilliant!
Maybe you’ve forgotten what it’s like to feel better.
You want to be able to bring yourself back to a state of homeostasis — a state where you’re able to restore yourself–to a calm alertness vs. an anxious alertness.
In conclusion, many of us experience chronic stress and anxiety and so many of us hold this muscular tension unconsciously in our bodies in very predictable patterns that we practice continuously for many years.
We’re not doing something wrong—what we’re doing simply doesn’t serve us anymore.
We don’t even realize these are the contraction patterns that are causing us pain after time, because they’ve become so “normal” to us. But this is not a life sentence! These patterns can be released.
Our brain and nervous system is always working in our best interest. Our nervous system must be made aware of the patterns, and then be presented with other, healthier options.
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Empower Your Body: Understanding the Sympathetic and Parasympathetic Nervous Systems
We have two main aspects of our autonomic nervous system that both perform very different functions.
We have two main aspects of our autonomic nervous system that both perform very different functions.
Sympathetic Nervous System
The sympathetic nervous system is responsible for the stress response. We commonly know it as fight, flight and freeze. It’s a survival mechanism. When you experience a threat, your body tells you to take action in one of these ways.
Some ways your body creates energy to deal with this perceived or real threat is:
Quickened breath and heart rate
Tensing muscles
Sweat
High blood pressure and more blood flow to your organs
Expanding blood vessels to allow you to get more blood flow and oxygen
Heightened senses
Release of blood sugar and fats from the body’s stores to be used for energy
Increased Cortisol levels (stress hormone)
If we remain in this sympathetic state longterm, we’re then in a chronic stress state, and this has longterm effects that we definitely want to avoid.
This is where the parasympathetic nervous system comes into play.
Parasympathetic Nervous System
The parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for the rest and digest response.
It tells your body to:
slow down
breathe and relax
the danger is over
cortisol levels falls back to normal
your body conserves energy
your heart rate slows
your digestion increases
You can literally “rest and digest” again.
One aspect of the autonomic nervous system is not better than the other — we want to be able to have access to the sympathetic nervous system when circumstances call for us to run or fight. But we’re designed to be able to go back and forth as needed–to take action and to recover.
Unfortunately many of us spend much more time in a sympathetic state than in a parasympathetic state and are chronically stressed.
And furthermore, some of us can’t feel we’re in an activated state because it’s become so “normal” to us, except we feel certain effects and aren’t sure why we have them.
For example, some of us are so used to chronically tense muscles or jaw, neck and shoulder tension or pain, but we don’t connect that chronic stress has caused this.
After a period of months or years, this chronically stressed state becomes “normal.” We sort of adjust and just live with the discomfort.
Some muscular tension patterns associated with a chronically stressed state are:
Contracted jaw
Small muscles in face are contracted
Eye tension
Neck and shoulder tension
Back tension and pain
Tension in hands or arms
Tension in pelvis, glutes, hips and thighs
Link here to learn more about what the physical symtoms of stress and anxiety look like in the body.
And our posture reflects this chronic muscle tension:
Head forward and down
Lack of mobility in our back, neck and shoulders
Contracted abdomen which restricts our breathing
Fortunately our brain and nervous system are capable of change.
They only need to be reminded of a healthier way. And not only can they change the unconscious muscular tension patterns, but the habitual patterns of reacting to the stress will also change through focusing on the body.
But we can’t over-ride the old, unhealthy habitual muscle patterns with force or muscular effort. We must use our brain, literally, to change our muscular patterns and relieve our own stress response.
The Feldenkrais Method® offers the way out of chronic stress-induced muscular tension patterns. In this method, either working one-on-one or in group classes, you’re guided into small, gentle movements while you pay attention to what you sense and feel in your body as you do these movements.
As you slowly move, you observe where you feel resistance or tension, or where you feel the quality of each movement go from easy and comfortable to resistance or forcing.
It’s through this focused attention, that you take in this sensory information, and your brain processes it, and then comes up with the most efficient, easy way to move.
And often, almost spontaneously, the tension is released.
This often happens within the first session or class. However because chronic tension has been reinforced for many months, and in some cases, years, it takes several sessions or a series of sessions or classes to maintain these new, healthier muscle patterns. But the end result is often lasting and provides people with tools to maintain this new healthier way of functioning comfortably on their own, without needed an “expert” to help them manage their pain forever.
So, in conclusion, when you’re chronically emotionally and mentally stressed, chances are you’re living mostly in a sympathetic nervous system state. In that state, muscle tension — skeletal muscles, smaller muscles of the face and eyes, muscles of the digestive system, and muscles of the neck that cause migraines as well, can contract. But fortunately, because your nervous system is always working on your behalf, these chronic habitual contraction patterns can be released. (Link here to learn more about how to improve chronic pain symptoms.)