Trauma Informed Bodywork and Somatic Experiencing® for Narcissistic Abuse

A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships reports that about 25% of individuals have experienced some form of narcissistic abuse in their relationships.

From 2012-2017 I myself was in a narcissistic abusive relationship. 

I recognize that the term “narcissist” is a buzz word these days, but I’ve had several licensed clinicians confirm that this person was someone with textbook NPD, Narcissist Personality Disorder. Anyone who’s experienced this, is unfortunately very familiar with the signs, symptoms and predictable cycles.

Even if a person is able to leave a traumatic situation of this type, they are often left with emotional and physical symptoms that don’t simply “go away” or fade over time.

One of the characteristics of a narcissistic abusive relationship is that it’s insidious. This means the cues of danger may not be present at the onset and they develop gradually without being noticed.

In other words, narcissistic abuse often starts slowly and gradually worsens over time. 

Relationships of this type usually begins with “love-bombing," a phase where the abuser initially seems loving, generous and supportive. It can be so intense that the victim feel the abuser is too good to be true, “the love of their life.” Then, the abuser slowly begins to use manipulative tactics, such as gaslighting and belittling, silent treatment, passive aggression, and triangulation, to undermine the victim's self-worth and confidence. This is intermingled with intermittent acts of kindness so the victim becomes confused about which version of their abuser is real. As time goes on, the abuser adds in verbal abuse and sometimes physical abuse. 

The aftermath

In my own case, the experience left me with severe and long-lasting effects on my physical and mental health including PTSD.

I went to therapy regularly for a number of years and found that talking about what I had experienced only made my physical symptoms of anxiety and my depression worsen. I tried EMDR and it didn’t really help me, although I know it helps some people and it’s recognized as “evidence based” by the American Psychiatric Association.

For me, what began to change my physiology and regulate my nervous system was trauma-informed somatic work.

Note: If you are more comfortable staying with traditional, medical evidence-based psychotherapeutic techniques like CBT, then what I’m about to share may not resonate with you and that’s okay. It’s up to each individual to choose what methods make the most sense to them. If you’re in the midst of a narcissistic abusive relationship, it makes sense to stay with your therapist and add in somatic work once you’ve left the situation and are safe. In writing about this, my goal is to share some lesser-known alternatives to traditional psychotherapy or medication that worked for me and for many others.

Common physical symptoms of anxiety and hypervigilance include:

• Digestive issues, nausea

• Not being able to eat or overeating

• Chronic neck, shoulder and back pain 

• Physiology of “bracing” or “contracing”

• Jaw pain

• Joint pain, sciatica

• Shallow breathing or not being able to take a deep breath

• Headaches and migraines

• Racing heart

• Sweaty palms

• Face heating up suddenly

• Migraines, headaches

• Trembling, shaking, twitching, buzzing

• Insomnia

• Chronic fatigue

Some emotional symptoms—that are not always talked about—may include:

• Feeling like you’ve always done something wrong

• Feeling confused about what’s really true (cognitive dissonance)

• You don’t recognize yourself, feeling lost and empty

• Feeling isolated

• Shame and hiding what you’re experiencing from others

• Feeling anxious or depressed or hopeless

• Trouble setting boundaries

• Are ready to forgive and forget at the first sign of kindness

• Loss of self trust; disconnected from your own intuition

• A feeling of overwhelm (or freeze)

• Feeling like you’ll die if you leave them (trauma bonding)

• Hypervigilant - “Walking on eggshells” like you’re constantly waiting for the next attack

Two effective Somatic Tools: The Feldenkrais Method® and Somatic Experiencing®

In the case of narcissistic abuse, we feel we’re “under attack” 24/7 — unless, of course, the abuser senses they’ve gone too far and then they are attentive and loving as they were in the beginning of the relationship. When this happens and they show signs of the person we first met, we wonder why we felt so anxious and we wipe the slate clean, only to go through another cycle of abuse.

We’re stuck in a state of hypervigilance and confusion and it takes its toll on our brain, nervous system and body.

Feldenkrais is a gentle, non-invasive way to reconnect to your body so that you can sense, feel and trust yourself. 

The Feldenkrais Method®, a robust somatic method that helps release chronic muscle tension and regulate the nervous system, was the first tool I used in order to learn to trust my own inner guidance again. 

Amidst the chaos in my daily life during the abuse, this somatic work allowed me to reconnect to my body and listen. I was able to feel those physical cues of danger. For example, when I felt my stomach tense, I knew my body was telling me to listen. When I felt my chest or throat constrict, I was able to trust myself vs being confused. I began to be less dissociated or out of my body and to feel a sense of safety and grounding that I hadn’t felt before.

Before I was constantly scanning my environment and his face for cues of danger because I was dissociated. But now, I could feel my body give me cues and I knew I could trust it.

Feldenkrais is also an effective way for someone to learn to self regulate. During narcissistic abuse, it wasn’t safe to “relax” deeply. The constant threat of being under attack was always present. This method allows muscle tension to release effortlessly, and muscle tension = emotional tension.

This method— whether working 1:1 with a practitioner or taking group classes — allows a person to:

• Unwind habits of stress and overstimulation 

• Regulate breathing 

• Relax muscles and ease joint pain

• Respond vs reacting 

• Calm the mind and emotions 

• Feel grounded

• Improve sleep

• Feel a sense of safety, well being or neutral
  

Somatic Experiencing® (SE) is another somatic method that helps a person complete threat response cycles. 

For example, when I felt the desire to fight back or speak up about the abusive treatment I was receiving, but I remained silent because I was afraid of the consequences, that powerful “fight” energy got stuck in my body. It had no where to go but inward.

Or when I felt the deserate desire to get away, but couldn’t leave — again, that energy was thwarted, and stayed lodged in the physical tissues of my body: in my muscles, joints, gut, jaw, etc. 

This is common in any traumatic situation. But with narcissistic abuse, it’s especially relentless and continuous, and takes a significant toll on a person’s mind and body.

Some time after I finally left the relationship, I found myself with sciatica and plantar fasciitis, and chronic fatigue, but it made no rational sense. Now I know that was stuck energy. With Feldenkrais and SE, that chronic pain and fatigue has dissipated. I’m gradually increasing my energy and health. 

Next Steps

As a client and practitioner of both of these robust somatic methods, and several others, I have found that the somatic option for releasing trauma from the body is far more effective than talking about the experience.

If you or someone you know has experienced narcissistic abuse, you may  consider trauma-informed somatic work to help you on your healing journey. 

Please allow me to support you in this process. If you’d like to talk in person, please schedule a free 15 minute consultation to see if working together is a good fit for you. We can work in person in San Diego or online. Schedule here or email me and I’ll get right back to you.

How to Ease Your Knee Pain and Prevent Injuries

The knee is the most commonly injured joint and this is especially true in sports. But, unless there’s been an injury directly to the knee, for example, like a torn ACL caused by impact or an accident, it’s unusual that a knee problem originates in the knee. 

The way a person moves or doesn’t move can strain their knee. Problems with overall movement organization can leave them unable to deal with an urgent situation—like what happens in sports or a sudden loss of balance. 

With people who have knee problems frequently, it’s helpful to trace the history that led up to their injury. Two things are taken into consideration: the circumstances and how a person is organized. By this I mean, whether a person natually stands with more weight on one leg than the other, leans to one side, or whether their pelvis is slightly tilted, etc.

Often, when a person comes to me, I can see if they’re putting more weight on one leg. And from their history, and observing their spine, ribcage, hips, lower legs, and feet, I can get a sense of what has led to them being more vulnerable to the kind of injury they experienced. 

Here’s an example of how this might play out:

Let’s say a person favors one leg because of a past injury that happened many years ago. Compensation patterns have now set in and feel “normal.” But if one leg is the stable one, and less weight is on the leg with the past injury, then if something happens where the person has to respond quickly, like if a little child runs into them, the person has less options to respond. 

Ideally, the person would be able to move equally easily in all directions: to the left, right, forward and backwards. But if one leg is less stable, then the person has less options and if the child hits them from the wrong side, the person will lose his balance and possibly twist or strain one knee.

During the first 72 hours, I recommend reducing the swelling with ice, resting, elevating and compressing the injured knee. (Of course, seek the advice of your health care professional if you think you might be seriously hurt.) 

After the first 2-three weeks after the injury, Feldenkrais can be used to help recover from the injury and help imrove a person’s overall functioning so that they have more balanced distribution of weight and can prevent another injury.

In Feldenkrais we work with a person’s entire body. 

You aren’t a bunch of parts and pieces! There is a connection between every part of you. If someone is recovering from or has had a knee injury (or any injury for that matter), we would bring their head, neck, spine, hip joints and feet into the picture as well. 

You want to have knees that can respond to whatever movement you need or want to make. Your knees should be ready for action. Ideally your knees can move freely easily in all directions — sideways, forward, and backwards. As you age, it’s common to lose the abilty to move freely, and Feldenkrais can restore that freedom and ease of movement and function.

To schedule a session, either virtual or in-person, click here.

For more information about Feldenkrais, click here.

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For a simple and effective self care practice, try this FREE audio recording that is designed to calm your mind and relax your entire body. Notice if you feel the muscles of your back body melt into the floor or bed as you practice these easy hand movements. 

The Hidden Messages in Your Pain: Why You Should Pay Attention

Pain is your body’s way of communicating with you. It’s a signal in your nervous system that something may be wrong. It feels like an unpleasant feeling and can feel like a prick, tingle, sting, burn or ache. It can be sharp or dull. It can be deep or superficial. It can come and go or it can be constant. 

There are two types of pain: chronic and acute. Chronic pain generally has come on slowly and gradually and it can last for a long time. Acute pain usually comes on suddenly because of injury or inflammation.

Pain can be inconvenient and frustrating, so it’s common to ignore pain or override it. It’s also scary when we don’t know what the cause is, and we can feel overwhelmed about how to address it. So we often push it to the side for as long as we can.

Muscle pain, like neck and shoulder pain or back pain, for example, often begins slowly and gradually. It’s easy to ignore it when it first begins and we hope it goes away. Things like massage or yoga help hold it at bay, but they can only provide temporary relief.

Muscular pain is often caused by a combination of unhealthy posture and repeated daily activities, like sitting at a computer in a slumped position for many hours each day or repetitive movements. It can also be the result of asymmetry in your body. 

For example, let’s say you had an injury in your left foot many years ago. You recovered long ago, but in the process, you “learned” (and I really mean your brain learned, so this was unconscious) to adapt your entire body around your hurt foot. 

Maybe you haven’t put equal weight on both of your legs since that time, but this imbalance between your legs feels normal to your conscious mind. And everything has been fine…until you started feeling (for example) pain in your right shoulder and side of your neck. And for some reason, now your lower back is complaining. 

Your body does an amazing job at compensating for asymmetries for many years and when these aches and pains start showing up, they seem illogical. For more information about how compensation patterns occur, click here.

Another reason for physical muscular chronic pain is emotional stress. Our bodies take on musculoskeletal patterns of stress and anxiety. We round forward and all the muscles along our backs are held in a stretched-out position, while the front of our body is chronically contracted, causing our breath to be shallow, our bellies to be contracted in an unhealthy way, and our neck and jaw muscles to be contracted.

The Feldenkrais Method® is a way to identify these muscular contractions that feel like chronically tight muscles, and teach your nervous system how to release these habitual patterns that show up as chronic or acute muscle tension or pain. It uses your attention to small, slow, gentle movement to restore ease and freedom to your body.

The history of these muscle contraction patterns took sometimes years of practice to create, but with some time and commitment, these unhealthy patterns can be unwound so that you can move with freedom and ease once again. Many people no longer need pain medication and are able to do activities they once loved to do again, pain-free.

For more information about Feldenkrais, click here.

To schedule a virtual or in-person session, click here.

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For a simple and effective self care practice, try this FREE audio recording that is designed to calm your mind and relax your entire body. Notice if you feel the muscles of your back body melt into the floor or bed as you practice these easy hand movements. 

Tried and True Steps to Heal Ankle Pain and Knee Pain: Weeks After

A couple of weeks after spraining or straining an ankle or knee, it’s likely you’ll begin to feel a little better. At this point, you might be tempted to resume your regular activities. But here’s some advice to consider when moving forward.

1. Give your body time to heal. 

Take a rest from any activities where you notice even the slightest pain. In this case, pain is not good — not even a little bit. You may need a few more days or even a couple of weeks to allow your tissue to heal. Your body knows how to heal and it’s in your best interest to provide a healing environment.

2. Listen to your body.

Your body communicates to you through pain. Pain is your body’s way of telling you to STOP what you’re doing. Ignoring pain or pushing through pain will only delay your healing. So take a rest!

3. Trust your body.

Your body has the innate wisdom to always move towards healing. It can be depressing when we think we’re missing out of activities or we feel afraid that this injury will never heal. But your brain is always working on your behalf and knows what to do. Take a break from exercise and other activities, get plenty of rest, eat healthy food, hydrate, and watch some funny videos.

Really take this time to heal and you’ll find yourself back on your feet

4. Re-enter gradually.

When your injured body part is feeling better, re-enter into your normal activities gradually. Don’t expect to jump back in at the same level you were before the injury. Go slowly, observe whether you feel pain, and if so, back off a bit. Plan to ice your recovering body part after using it for several weeks to help reduce any inflammation.

5. Supportive footwear.

If you’re recovering from an injured knee or ankle, wear supportive shoes. This will help distribute your weight and take additional stress off your knee or ankle.

Once you’re back on your feet, you may want to consider working 1:1 with a Feldenkrais practitioner to make sure you eliminate any muscular compensation patterns that happen when we’ve had to immobilize parts of our body for a period of time. Read more about compensation patterns and what to watch out for here.

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For a simple and effective self care practice, try this FREE audio recording that is designed to calm your mind and relax your entire body. Notice if you feel the muscles of your back body melt into the floor or bed as you practice these easy hand movements. 

Tried and True Steps to Heal Ankle Pain and Knee Pain: The First 72 Hours

The first 72 hours after an injury like a strain or sprain are crititcal for healing. Here’s a simple guide to ensure you’re doing all the things during that time frame following the incident.

First of all, it’s always a good idea to get checked out by your health care provider to make sure no serious damage has occurred. If you have extreme pain or you think you may have broken a bone or torn something, see a doctor immediately!

But if you’re pretty sure it’s a sprain or strain, then follow these suggestions:

R = Rest

As soon as you’re hurt, stop your activity, and rest as much as possible for the first 2 days. The old “no pain, no gain” philosophy doesn’t work here. Pushing through the pain with certain injuries, like a moderate to severe ankle or knee sprain, can make the damage worse and delay your recovery. Doctors say you should avoid putting weight on the injured area for 24 to 48 hours. Resting also helps prevent further bruising.

I = Ice the area immediately! 

I recommend crushed ice vs. a cold pack because you can cover more surface area and the cold lasts longer. Cover the injured area with ice in a bag for 20 minutes each hour. 

After the first 24 hours, you can alternate between ice and heat, if you like. Ice reduces the swelling and helps with pain. Heat brings circulation to the area and sometimes feels good.

C = Compression

Wrap an ACE bandage around the injured area to compress it. Compression wrapping reduces the swelling and keeps blood moving more efficiently in the injured area. An ACE bandage is also helpful because it creates a layer of fabric between the ice and your skin, still making the ice effective.

E = Elevate 

Elevate your injured body part heart-level or above if possible. You have have your leg on a chair if you’re sitting at work. Elevating an injured body part helps blood and fluid flow away from the injured area. This is helpful because it can help reduce swelling. Reducing your swelling can also decrease the inflammation and pain of your injury.

Check out “Rx for an ankle or knee injury (part 2)” for what to do once you’re through the first couple of weeks of healing.

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For a simple and effective self care practice, try this FREE audio recording that is designed to calm your mind and relax your entire body. Notice if you feel the muscles of your back body melt into the floor or bed as you practice these easy hand movements. 

Can Feldenkrais® Help You Break Habits Faster? What to Expect

One of the first questions new clients ask is “how long will it take for Feldenkrais to work?” 

They often aren’t sure whether they should expect to feel immediate relief, like you feel after a great massage, or if their pain or discomfort will be relieved after a few visits or in several months.

This is a reasonable question, and here’s the frustrating answer: it depends.

It depends whether a person has been suffering with a particular issue for several days, months, years or decades. It depends what the issue is. It depends how often a person is willing or able to receive treatment. And it depends whether the person is willing to practice the assigned movements while at home, or in group classes, between sessions, in order to reinforce the new healthier neural pathways that are created during a session. To learn more about how to get a clearer sense of how long treatment might take, read “How Long Until I Notice Results from Feldenkrais® Sessions?”

And like almost anything else in life, it depends on how long the person has been practicing certain habits.

Neural Pathways

Neural pathways are the connections that form between the neurons, or brain cells, in your brain. They’re like a pattern that represents any thought about anything you’ve ever had – as simple as an apple, as complicated as love and integrity, every thought is a neural pathway.

These neural pathways, or connections between neurons, light up when you think of something or learn something like movement for the first time, and the connections form a pattern in your brain. Your brain has now attached meaning to that specific pattern.

When your brain processes a new connection for the first time, like when you first learned to walk as a baby, the neurons connected from your brain to your muscles, for balance, etc. The more you did the movement in the same way again and again, the stronger and more dominant the neural pathways became. And now, as an adult, you don’t need to think about walking anymore because it’s a well-formed dominant neural pathway in your brain.

Habits are learned — habits we want to continue AND habits that aren’t serving us; mental habits, emotional habits, and physical habits.

And unfortunately, this learning process happens if you’ve had many years of practicing muscular habits that aren’t healthy, like poor posture, or you’ve been unconsciously compensating for an injury (even from 20 years ago), or have been practicing a repetitive action in misalignment. You’ve now learned to associate certain muscular tension with these movement patterns.

This holds true for any type of learning. The more you practice something and it becomes a habit, then it will take a certain amount of time to change it to a new habit.

Feldenkrais® is not the same as massage or physical therapy. These other modalities work directly with strengthening, releasing or training muscles. Feldenkrais® works with the brain, the controller of the entire body (including the muscles). In this way, it’s actually a method of “learning” and also of “unlearning.”

To learn more about how Feldenkrais® works, click here.

When you first learned your multiplication tables, you probably were taught each table, one at a time, at school. Then you were given homework to practice at home. At first, that table might have been hard to remember. But after several weeks of writing and reciting the 3 times table out loud, it became second nature to you. 

It took some time to create new neural pathways, but once reinforced, it became a “habit.”

A 2009 research paper by the University College of London says “it takes on average about 66 days of repetition to form a habit (which could indicate a change in the neural pathway). But it’s different from person to person. Some people change habits in as little as 18 days, others take as long as 254 days of repetition.”

So, having said this, this is what a person can expect with Feldenkrais.

If you’ve been experiencing pain or discomfort for a few weeks, then it is likely that a series of 6-8 sessions, received within a few weeks will begin to change the neural pathways. Unconscious habits of muscular contractions may have been practiced for much longer than the few weeks you’ve been experiencing pain, however. But the brain is always looking for the most efficient and healthiest way to move.  And if you can practice some of the movements at home or in a weekly group class, then the new healthier neural pathways will be reinforced and lasting.

If you’ve been experiencing pain or discomfort for 10 years+, then most likely it will take longer to reverse the unconsciously held muscular patterns of tension. I recommend you begin with a series of 6-10 sessions, received within a month or so, and then see where you are. Very likely you’ll feel better and encouraged and will want to add another 6-10 sessions, perhaps spacing them out a bit more. Again, reinforcing the work at home or in a weekly group class is critical.

Anything between a few weeks and 10 years is someplace in the middle, depending on what the issues are that you’re experiencing. Regardless of the length of time an issue has been with you, most people feel better after their first session. 

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If you’d like to experience feeling general relief from muscle tension and overall relaxation, try this FREE audio lesson.

Yes, Your Brain Can Change Itself. How to Harness the Power of Brain Plasticity to Relieve Pain

THE BRAIN CAN CHANGE ITSELF. It is a plastic, living organ that can actually change its own structure and function, even into old age. This breakthrough in neuroscience is called neuroplasticity, and it’s changing the centuries-old idea that the brain is fixed and unchanging. 

Norman Doidge, MD, a psychiatrist and researcher, who wrote several books on the topic, including “The Brain that Changes Itself” and “The Brain’s Way of Healing,” reports that the brain is not, as was previously thought, like a machine, or “hardwired” like a computer. 

Doidge says, “Neuroplasticity not only gives hope to those with mental limitations, or what was thought to be incurable brain damage, but expands our understanding of the healthy brain and the resilience of human nature.” 

If you suffer from chronic muscle tension or pain, neuroplasticity might be of special interest to you!

If you’re dependent on daily stretching or frequent massages just to feel comfortable in your body, then you’re not alone. Some common tension issues people live with include tension or pain in their backs or neck and shoulders, jaw and/or TMJ symptoms, hips, or have regular migraines. 

We assume that feeling this way is normal, or that it runs in the family—that tight muscles are just an unavoidable way of life as we age. But this is not the case. 

Chronically tight muscles are basically unconscious habits of contraction that the nervous system has “turned on” in order to stabilize your skeleton as a whole. 

For example, if you hurt your left knee years ago, your entire body had to compensate at one time. As time passed, you got used to these compensation patterns until it just felt normal to you. 

Consider this scenario: perhaps you unconsciously learned to lean a little bit into your right hip and leg when you walked, to avoid putting full weight on your left leg while your knee was healing. 

And then, to counterbalance the right-leaning of your lower body, you learned to lean in the opposite direction with your shoulders and neck. 

All of this was a brilliant way your brain orchestrated to support your whole body while there was instability. In fact, you became so good at this new muscular “pattern” that you didn’t even notice it — until the muscles holding you in this “pattern” began to hurt and cause pain. You see, the muscles were holding the bones in place based on their instructions from your brain.

Learn more about how compensation patterns are formed and how we can work with them.

So a massage might help relieve this constant tension temporarily, but the original muscle patterns has not changed at the origin. After a few days, they’ll snap right back into place per their instructions from your brain, the control center of your body.

Another example might be chronic jaw and neck pain or neck and shoulder pain. 

This is where neuroplasticity comes in!

When a person’s nervous system feels safe, like it can relax and let go—when it feels “heard” rather than fighting to hold muscles in place—the brain will tell the muscles to stop holding on for dear life. Depending on the history and physical trauma involved in a given situation, this can happen within weeks or months. 

For physical muscular tension, The Feldenkrais Method® is an effective modality to change these neural pathways from old, unhealthy patterns to more efficient, healthier ones. To learn more about how Feldenkrais® works, click here.

When old muscular tension is released, there is also a sense of emotional calm and mental clarity. This makes sense because when your nervous system no longer has to expend so much energy stabilizing your whole system, there’s a natural feeling of physical and mental relief and ease. When you learn how to regulate nervous system physiology, you automatically regulate emotional tension.

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For a simple and effective self care practice, try this FREE audio recording that is designed to calm your mind and relax your entire body. Notice if you feel the muscles of your back body melt into the floor or bed as you practice these easy hand movements.

Having Lower Back Pain? Here Are 7 Ways to Check If You Have Good Posture When Sitting

There are a number of myths surrounding the concept of “good posture” and it’s especially important to recognize these myths when sitting.

For example, “good posture” doesn’t mean being planted in your work chair in a fixed, upright position, holding in your abdomen and pulling your shoulders down and back. 

Good or healthy posture means sitting in a way that allows freedom of movement of your entire body in any direction, as needed. 

Try this.

Without changing anything about your posture, observe whether you can:

1. Turn your head to the right and left? 

2. Turn your head and torso (shoulders and ribcage) to the right and left?

3. Can you breath freely into both your chest and abdomen? 

If you’re engaging your abdominal muscles, you cannot breathe easily. In fact, when your abdomen is engaged, your diaphragm is drawn in and up, and your entire ribcage and back will be rigid and not able to move freely.

Your skeleton, and not your muscles, should do the primary work of holding you upright.

In order to see if you’re using your skeleton to support you in sitting, check:

1. Are both of your feet flat on the floor? 

2. Are you sitting evenly on both sides of your bottom? 

Sitting asymmetrically on one side can cause strain. (Some men already know this and remove their wallets from their back pocket when sitting!) When the weight of the body is distributed evenly over both sitting bones, your back doesn't have to work as hard.

3. Is your lower back rounded or slightly arched? 

A slightly arched lower back offers better support and reduces pressure on the discs.

4. Are you leaning back in your chair or sitting forward in your seat?

Most people slump and round onto the back of their pelvis when leaning back. This causes muscular stiffness and strain. If you must lean back, place a pillow behind the small of your back so that a healthy arch is maintained.

For more information about sitting dynamically on your pelvis to prevent back, shoulder and neck pain, see my blog post called “Here's the Right Way to Sit in a Chair to Relieve Lower Back Pain”

If you’d like to experience more mobility in your pelvis so that you your back, neck and shoulder muscles are no longer responsible for holding you up in gravity, check out this recording of “Sit Like a Pro,” a recording of a short workshop that teaches you the tools that will give you comfort and ease when sitting.

Here's the Right Way to Sit in a Chair to Relieve Lower Back Pain

Two of the most common activities so many of us do for hours each day are sitting at work and driving. 

As a Feldenkrais practitioner and massage therapist, I’ve found that most people who come to me with concerns about discomfort in sitting have the idea that if they could just find the “right” chair and the “right” way to sit in that chair, they would be able to engage in sedentary activities for hours without moving.

I’ve had clients who beat themselves up because they feel they’ve been told that if they only held in their abdominal muscles all day, they’d somehow protect their backs. Or if they only held their shoulders down and back, their posture would be improved, and they’d avoid back, shoulder and neck pain while sitting. (Here are 7 quick check-ins with your body to learn whether you’re sitting the most efficiently.)

The human body is not well adapted for long hours spent sitting in a restrictive or constrained posture.

As a graphic artist for 20 years, I’d spend hours each day at my drawing table (I’m aging myself!!) and computer, doing detail work and barely coming up for air. I accepted the pain I often felt in my lower back and along the side of my right leg, and got my work done. 

I tried to make up for the 8+ hours of sitting still with a few hours of yoga, stretching and running each week. And although working out was healthy, and I felt better after yoga and stretching, it didn’t change or fix the daily discomfort I lived with.

Now, many years later, after years of training and practice as a movement expert, I have found the main key to comfortable sitting.

Your pelvis is the foundation of your entire body when you sit.

For most of us, when we’re sitting all day at work or in the car for long periods of time, it’s typical to sit or roll back onto the back of the pelvis.

We get stuck in our chairs—meaning we sit statically and barely move, and this teaches us that we need to use our muscles to deal with sitting instead of our bones.

What I mean by this is that we think we need to keep something “engaged” to protect ourselves or keep ourselves upright (like “engaging our core” or back, or jaw or neck or shoulder muscles).

But if we were to learn to use our skeleton to support us, our entire musculature would be free of tension.

The key to this skeletal support is at the foundation when you sit—your pelvis!

Your pelvis actually has the ability to move in a variety of directions.  tilt forwards so that you have a slight arch in your lower back, backwards so that you round your spine, to the left and right so that you side bend, and around in a circle. But for most of the day, we sit statically on the surface of our chair.

The more your pelvis is able to move in all these directions, the more you can control any discomfort in your back when you’re sitting. The muscles no longer need to be 100% responsible for keeping you upright in gravity because you’re sitting dynamically on your base — your pelvis.

Click here to learn how to set up your work space specifically for your body.

If you’d like to experience more mobility in your pelvis so that you your back, neck and shoulder muscles are no longer responsible for holding you up in gravity, check out this recording of “Sit Like a Pro,” a short workshop that teaches you the tools that will give you comfort and ease when sitting.

3 Keys to Comfortable, Effortless, Lower Back Pain-Free Sitting at Work

Many people experience discomfort when we sit for extended periods of time. And most of us have tried a variety of different things to remedy this discomfort — whether it’s back pain, neck or shoulder pain, hip pain, or sciatica.

In my blog post “The Myth About Core Strengthening and Why It Might Not Help Lower Back Pain” I write about how “engaging your core,” or abdominal muscles, is not a solution to preventing back pain — especially when you’re sitting at your desk or in the car for hours. 

Engaging or contracting abdominal muscles seems to be one of the more popular “solutions” according to google searches and the collective physical therapy consciousness.

I used to believe this too.

As a graphic artist for 20+ years, I’d hunker down at my drawing table (I’m aging myself!!) and then at my desktop into the position I thought was best, and got my work done. 

For many years, I tolerated lower back pain and sciatica and accepted it as part of my life. I practiced yoga and worked out a few times each week because I knew that moving my body was important. And this received the discomfort for short periods of time, but it felt like the discomfort was a constant struggle.

Years later, as a massage therapist, my clients would often complain about how much they sit and how they worked out, stretched, engaged their core abdominal muscles, and forced their shoulders down and away from their ears to have “better posture.”

Many of their firms hired work space experts to set everyone up with standing desks, ergonomically correct chairs and work stations, and still, they were in pain and discomfort. 

They felt guilty and frustrated because in their minds, they were doing all the things they were told would help, but they still had back, shoulder and neck pain. 

It was frustrating for me not to be able to help them find relief for more than a couple of days.

Now, as a movement practitioner, I know there are 3 keys to comfortable, effortless, painfree sitting.

1. Eyes

Your body and spine organize around where you’re looking.

In other words, if you’re looking downwards at your laptop screen, your neck bends and your entire spine follows because your entire spine is made up of individual articulating bones (or vertebrae). 

Your heavy head pulls the top of your spine (your neck) downward. Then your entire spine (chain of vertebrae) follows. 

The lower end of this chain of vertebrae ends at your pelvis. Your pelvis rolls backwards to complete the rounding of your spine. And this is where you stay most of the day while your back and neck muscles work overtime to hold you in place.

2. Breath 

When you’re engaging your abdominal muscles, you aren’t breathing freely and easily. 

Try this: sit in a chair and engage your abdomen. Take few deep breaths in and out and notice the effect on your diaphragm, chest and belly. 

Also notice how your entire middle back and ribcage are rigid. There’s minimal movement. This indicates that you’re also not moving the entire middle section of your back when you sit — the 12 vertebrae that are each attached to a rib. 

This makes your neck vertebrae and lower back vertebrae and the muscles that support them have to work harder — leading to neck and back muscle pain.

Now, try this: allow your belly to be soft. With a relaxed belly, take a few deep breaths in and out. Notice how your belly and chest and sides of your ribs expand when you inhale. Observe how your diaphragm moves when you breathe. There’s a softening in your ribs and the muscles of your middle back don’t have to work.

3.  Pelvis

Your pelvis is the foundation of your body when you’re sitting, and it must be able to move dynamically.

This means that you need to be able to move your pelvis — the foundation of where you’re weight bearing— as you sit on whatever seat you’re sitting, as opposed to sitting in a passive, static, rigid way.

When your pelvis learns to move in response to the seat you’re sitting on, your entire spine will respond by rounding and arching, rotating, and side bending naturally and spontaneously. We do all of these micro movements thousands of times each hour. 

So for most of us, when we’re sitting all day either at work or in the car or plane, we’re not very lively on the base of our pelvis.

It’s typical to sit on the back of the sitting bones and sacrum. And the spine has to round, and then, the neck juts forward to accommodate the pelvis. (And we stay here for most of the day, get up and stretch, and then resume this position.)

When we’re sitting rigidly, movement is not possible and that’s when the muscles of our back, neck, shoulders and hips have to work overtime to hold us up in gravity.

We get stuck in our chairs and over time, that teaches us that we need to use muscles to deal with sitting instead of our bones. To learn how you can easily set up your work space for the healthiest alignment for your specific body, click here.

We think we need to keep something “engaged” to protect ourselves or keep ourselves upright (like “engaging our core” or back, neck or shoulder muscles).

So what is the solution to sitting without back pain?

Learning to be more mobile from the base of the pelvis and sitting bones, up through the spine willl allow the musculature to be free to act or respond to each moment. The more able your pelvis is able to move in all the directions, the freer your spine (back and neck) will be and the less muscular contraction and effort is needed. To learn more about how to sit in a chair comfortably to prevent back pain, click here.

If you’d like to learn more about how to sit so that your neck, shoulders and back can be comfortable and pain-free, please check out this 90-minute workshop.

3 Tips for Recovering Your Body, Mind, and Nervous System

When I emerged from an extremely challenging, traumatic life experience, I was overwhelmed. I wasn’t sure who to turn to for support. I tried a bunch of different practitioners who seemed to help with one aspect of my healing or another, and although their intentions were good, I didn’t feel as though I was improving at all.

There are many different versions of “challenging life experiences” can leave you feeling the effects of a dysregulated nervous system. Whether your challenging life experience is an abusive relationship, like mine was, the devastating loss of a loved one, being a caretaker for someone who’s ill and living in fearful expectation of that next lab test result, going through a contentious divorce where you feel attacked legally, financially and emotionally, a pandemic where you’ve been isolated and fearful for a period of time.

It’s often overwhelming to figure out the next steps to take to recover and restore yourself.

I know that I personally wasted too much time trying to handle things on my own and trying piece together solutions.

Now, over 3 years later, I recommend a triad approach that includes emotional/mental, medical/functional medicine and physical/nervous system repair:

1. Emotional/mental/subconscious healing support:

Find a good therapist who has been educated in trauma AND your specific situation. Whether you experienced narcissistic abuse, death of a loved one, divorce, or being a long-term caretaker—you need to be heard and validated. 

The most helpful therapist I went do didn’t have the highest credentials — she had been through and survived what I was going through. 

If your practitioner doesn’t understand the specific dynamic of your situation, keep looking. Ask for an initial complimentary interview and get a sense of the person. It might take several paid visits to get a deeper sense of whether it’s a good fit. If it’s not, cut your losses and move on. It’s okay to be discerning and it’s okay to spend some money and time figuring it out.

In addition to more traditional therapy, I currently also work with someone who helps remove subconscious blocks so that I can explore what my own emotional patterns throughout my life have been that would have lead me to an experience like narcissistic abuse. This would also fall under this category of emotional/mental/subconscious healing support.

My advice is to initially seek to feel stability in yourself again. You can add on later if you’d like to continue and deepen your self study.

2. Medical/functional medicine + nutritional support:

Find a good functional medicine doctor. Although I did start with my primary care practitioner, I was told that the extreme exhaustion I was experiencing was in my head and further testing wasn’t ordered. 

Two years later, I found a functional medicine doctor who believed me when I told her I could barely move. Once she ordered the proper tests and a realistic baseline was established, I had a plan to improve and I began to feel better. For me, it was important to use holistic methods to heal and this practitioner was a good fit for me. You have to find someone with whom you feel comfortable, and a method that resonates with you.

Healing from a stressful life experience can be a slow process. It took time to get where you are now; it takes a bit of time to get better. 

I highly recommend that you find someone who can give you nutritional support as well. If your health care practitioner can’t give you specific support, I would hire an expert who only focuses on eating to support your nervous system, your hormones, your adrenals, or wherever you need support. See my blog post on foods to calm your nervous system.

3. Physical + Nervous System repair:

This is a critical piece of information so if you’re skimming, please back up and read this carefully….

If you’ve recently been through a challenging life event, then you’ve probably not been nurturing yourself for awhile. In fact, the idea of that might make you uncomfortable. 

Pushing yourself to run or power walk or “work out” or even practice a vigorous form of yoga is NOT nurturing if you’re exhausted and your body aches.

Find a physical component that nurtures you. I was fortunate to have Feldenkrais as a practice I could rely on. I did some yoga, but at the beginning, it took too much energy that I didn’t have. Even a few sun salutations felt like too much. I craved something more nurturing for my body — something that connected me to myself, and included the physical component. Meditation is good, but it doesn’t move energy in the same way as a physical practice. 

Connecting to your physical body is critical — now especially.

The main reason Feldenkrais worked for me is because it involves physical movements and works with the nervous system. I was able to regulate and release any physical tension at the same time. After each session or class I felt as if I’d had a really good massage and felt emotionally calmer and at peace. My mental clarity improved substantially.

I took group classes as well as worked with a practitioner, but looking back it was the group classes that empowered me and gave me on-going tools to calm my nervous system by myself.

To conclude, anyone who has recently moved on from an emotionally and mentally stressful life experience may find themselves continuing to feel unexpectedly depleted. Begin with a triad of support — the right expert who can support you mentally/emotionally, the right expert who can support you medically but in a way that is all-inclusive and resonates with your values, and some sort of gentle physical or somatic method that addresses your body and regulates your nervous system so that you can reconnect with your body and feel stable and safe again.

Here is a beautiful nurturing audio lesson that will give you a taste of what it feels like to calm your nervous system while making small, gentle, slow movements of your body. Lie on the floor or your bed, remove distractions, and enjoy.

What If You Could Change Your Muscle Tension Patterns for Good?

Emotional tension — better known as stress, anxiety, worry, and fear — actually BECOMES muscle tension. 

Most of us agree with this statement, to varying degrees.

We have a general sense that our bodies and minds are connected. We know or have heard  that meditation helps calm our blood pressure. We all understand to some degree that chronic stress isn’t good for us and that it causes physical symptoms that aren’t pleasant.

We try a myriad of therapies and practices to alleviate the muscle tension at the area of the tight muscles.

Massage helps us feel better for about 3 days. I know this because I’m a massage therapist and I love helping people feel relaxed and restored. 

Physical therapists give exercises to redistribute the responsibility of the overworking muscle. I know this can help, depending on your practitioner, but for how long? 

We do yoga and stretch out our muscles and feel good. 

But have you noticed how the tension comes back if you miss your regular practice schedule?

All of these therapies are amazing and all of them help us feel better … temporarily.

“But addressing chronic muscle tension via the muscles is like trying to clean a dirt spot off your face by wiping the mirror. ”

What if we were to address the muscle tension at the root cause of the tension? What if we could change our habitual muscle tension patterns for good?

In order to make lasting change in muscle tension or pain, you have to go to the source of the problem. 

I propose that working with the nervous system directly is working with the root of chronically tight muscles. 

The brain and nervous system are where the instructions to tense and contract the your muscles originate, and that’s where they can be turned off.

Here’s an example of how mental tension — in this case, extreme worry and anxiety — might play out in your body.

Let’s say you went through a pandemic.

You spent over a year worrying about your health, your family’s health, your job, your kids’ school and social situation, your family’s mental well being. You felt isolated because you weren’t seeing friends and you lost your usual way of managing your stress.

When you left the house, you were on high alert — scanning the grocery store for who was nearby, did they have a mask on, are they too close to you? When you brought groceries home you felt worried because you didn’t know if you were washing them well enough….and this went on for awhile.

Your nervous system was in survival mode pretty consistently for 6-12 months.

When you’re stressed for a period of time, you practice certain familiar muscular contraction patterns throughout your body. 

Nerve cells continue to wire in a certain predictable stress pattern called neural pathways. The stressful feeling happens and then its corresponding habitual muscle contraction happens. Over and over and over again.

This means that if your habitually take on stress by clenching your jaw or grinding your teeth, you end up worsening your jaw tension, TMJ symptoms, and headaches. 

If your tendency is to round your shoulders, then you practice your habit and create more neck and shoulder tension or pain. 

If you tend to contract your belly, you probably also are not taking full deep breaths because your abdomen is contracted, your diaphragm is not moving freely,  and your shoulders are rounded forwards. It’s a predictable stress muscular pattern.

We can’t control or change these patterns by forcing ourselves to have “better posture.” These become habits of contraction that happen unconsciously each time we feel anxious or stressed.

The way to unwind these patterns for good is through your nervous system — the same way they were formed in the first place. 

To conclude, it’s no secret that our physical bodies are directly affected by chronic stress that we experience emotionally and mentally. We can find temporary relief by working directly with the muscles involved, but relief only lasts for a short time. To find long term relief, we have to unwind the habitual unconscious muscle contraction patterns through the same path tension was created in the first place — through our nervous system.

Here’s a free audio lesson that will help calm your stress and relax your muscles overall. Simply lie on your back on the floor or your bed and eliminate any distractions for 15 minutes. You’ll find that by doing these small, slow, gentle movements as instructed, you’ll feel mentally AND physically relaxed and calm.

The Myth About Core Strengthening and Why It Might Not Help Lower Back Pain

80% of adults experience low back pain sometime in their lives.

According to physical therapist, Dr. Tim Sobie, the most common treatments include prescription medicines, chiropractic treatments, or physical therapy with a focus on what is called “core stabilization.” 

The “theory” behind core stabilization is that if you focus on strengthening your deep trunk muscles, you will be able to utilize your “core” more, and put less strain on your back. 

But Dr. Sobie says that more often than not, these exercises don’t work because they are “one size fits all.” Each person’s history and reason for low back pain come from a unique set of variables.

He explains that these “core stabilization” exercises are designed to assume a “specific correction” for an assumed “specific cause.”

He goes on to say that “statistics have shown that 9 out of ten people who experience back pain never find out the primary cause of their back pain, despite going to from doctor to doctor, and getting varied opinions, while also getting various treatments. Among these opinions, the idea of ‘deficient core strength’ remains most common.”

But, strengthening the core muscles does not mean you can use them efficiently. 

In fact, over strengthening the muscles of the abdomen can actually have negative consequences if the muscles don’t “know” how to coordinate with the rest of a persons’ body.

I experienced this myself as a 6-day/week vigorous yoga practitioner with a 6-pack that was basically useless in terms of functionality.

It’s the relationship of all of the muscles together that allows us to function efficiently and without pain, not the strength of one muscle or muscle group. 

Muscles need to move and bend, and be flexible, and this can’t happen when one muscle group is in a tense and contracted state.

When we get into the habit of over-contracting in one area like the abdomen, it interferes with our true, coordinated strength.

Simply strengthening abdominal muscles will not improve motor skills. 

The Brain is the control center of muscular tension

The brain will always find a way for a person to be functional. 

If someone has had an injury, then the brain goes to work to create homeostasis throughout the entire person, including the musculoskeletal system. We adapt to these compensation patterns and they feel “normal” to us. As time goes on, these compensation patterns begin to cause discomfort. 

What is needed at this point — when there’s discomfort in the form of chronic muscle tension or pain — is a way to reorganize from unhealthy unconscious muscle contraction patterns to new, healthier muscular patterns. 

Feldenkrais is a method to reorganize neuromuscular patterns— or release the unconsciously held muscular contractions that the brain has put in place to stabilize an entire person when it perceived instability.

“If you’re looking for a viable alternative to core stabilization, a recent clinical study by my research facility has shed light on perhaps a more effective option: The Feldenkrais Method®,” writes Dr. Sobie.

“Our study’s results revealed that a novel eight-week Feldenkrais Method-based treatment approach demonstrated greater effectiveness across all relevant outcome measures for:

1. decreasing pain,

2. decreasing perceived disability,

3. increasing function, and

4. increasing endurance”

In conclusion, the accepted common treatments for back pain include strengthening the core. We, as a society, seem to blindly accept this view. But upon looking more closely, a “strong core” may not deserve as much merit as it’s been given across the board. Muscle tension and pain is a symptom of overall imbalance in the system and the brain — the controller of the entire body — is the link to the source of this tension.

If you’d like to experience for yourself how it feels to release muscle tension and improve flexibility in your spine effortlessly, gently, and quickly, I invite you to try this audio lesson. All you need is a chair with a firm surface, and minimal distractions. You’ll be twisting and turning effortlessly, without using your muscles, in 15 minutes or less.

Source: https://www.feldenkraisguild.com/article_content.asp?edition=&section=&article=478&page=2#comments

How Long Until I Notice Results from Feldenkrais® Sessions?

When people are considering working privately with me with Feldenkrais, one of the first things they want to know is HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE? 

Of course the answer depends on several variables — your specific concerns and history, how long you’ve had the particular issue(s), your consistency in coming as recommended, your commitment to practicing the “homework,” and so on. 

A good place to begin is as follows: if your quality of life is being impacted by whatever physical or stress-related issue you’re experiencing, and the outcome you want is to eliminate chronic pain. For more information about how often to schedule your sessions, click here.

Having said this, here is my general recommendation:

Phase 1 - Introduction

(once or twice/week for 4-6 weeks)

This work is cumulative. In your first few sessions, we’ll begin with small, gentle movements and teach you to sense your own comfort. In this way, we’re actually working with your nervous system to identify and begin to release the first layer of unconsciously held muscle tension patterns.

Ideally, sessions are fairly close together so that the old, unhealthy patterns of tension don’t have a chance to take hold again.

If you’ve been holding these tension patterns in your body for years, then it takes a bit of time to let them go. But because we’re working with your brain and nervous system, as long as we reinforce the new neural pathways that are created each session, the old patterns won’t have a chance to go back to their old ways. 

These private sessions are effective both in person and on-line.

Phase 2 - Reinforcement

(every one - two weeks for the next 1-2 months)

By this time, you’ll know if this work is helping you. I recommend that as you begin to spread the in-person sessions out, you add in a home practice. There are several options for this:

• practicing short movement sequences a few minutes each day that you learn from our sessions together

• class recordings I can share with you

• attending weekly group in person or online classes

The idea is to reinforce what we’re doing together in your private sessions, at home. The intention is to gradually move the responsibility for your wellbeing back into your own hands and give you tools to empower you.

Phase 3 - Maintenance

(once/month or whenever you feel it’s needed)

Once you’re through the first two phases of this work, you’ll find that you’re moving more freely and your chronic pain is gone or much less. Your nervous system is much more regulated. This means that you don’t react to stress as dramatically as before, you feel less anxious, you can begin to add things back into your life that you had to give up because of pain, exhaustion and feeling too overwhelmed, like walking and hiking, cycling, working out, yoga, and so on. 

By now, you’ve realized the amazing benefits of this method and are either taking weekly group classes or practicing recordings on your own a couple of times each week to complement our in- person sessions together. 

The key is to provide the environment for your brain cells to continue to wire together in a healthy way and not slip into old patterns. It took you many years of practice to get where you are now — it may time several months to practice and reinforce the new patterns. To learn more about how Feldenkrais works, click here.

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To experience for yourself how this method works, download this FREE audio recording now and let me know what you observe about the suppleness of your spine afterwards!

Photo Credit: © 2005, Rosalie O'Connor. Used with permission of the Feldenkrais Guild® of North America.

4 Guidelines to Get the Most from Your Feldenkrais Method® Online Class

Awareness Through Movement® classes, or the group class aspect of The Feldenkrais Method®, is different from so many activities or therapies we’ve encountered before.

People often ask if it’s a form of physical therapy or massage? It is not. 

Or they wonder if it’s like Reiki or yoga. Not at all. 

In fact, it doesn’t involve stretching or any type of manipulative therapeutics. 

It does involve small, slow movements that have been sequenced based on early human development. But even this is misleading because the movements themselves are not what produce the sometimes almost magical outcomes — it’s a persons’ focused attention on the quality of the sensation they feel AS they perform these tiny movements. 

See my blog post on how Feldenkrais works.

The best way to understand Feldenkrais is to experience it. And the best way to get the most from the experience is to follow these four guidelines during class. Of course, you’ll be reminded of these often during your class, but here they are with a bit of explanation.

Go slowly. 

Do each movement slowly. When you move slowly, you can sense and feel yourself more easily and become aware of any unnecessary muscular effort throughout your body. 

Make very small movements.

The idea is to use as little muscular effort as possible. If you feel any stretching, strain, or discomfort or effort, make the movement even smaller — sometimes moving 1/32nd of an inch is enough and will make a huge improvement in your brain (i.e., muscles let go quickly and easily).

Only do what’s completely comfortable.

Avoid all stretching, strain, muscular effort or force. The entire range of each movement should be equally easeful and comfortable. We’re used to thinking in terms of “no pain, no gain.” This is the complete opposite of the Feldenkrais philosophy!

Rest often.

We rest between each movement so that each movement is separate and fresh from the one before it and the one after it. We also rest whenever we finish a sequence of movements. And we encourage resting whenever you feel tired, confused, frustrated, irritated, or whey you lose focus. This gives your brain time to absorb the sensory information and lay down new more efficient neural pathways.

Feldenkrais is a paradox. 

In most activities we participate in, doing more and doing things faster or bigger is the goal. We stretch more, we push ourselves harder, we do more repetitions, we do it faster…. 

But in Awareness Through Movement® classes, the group class aspect of Feldenkrais®, the number of movements you do does not matter. Making the movement bigger is actually not helpful. You small, slow movements with your focus on the sensation that you feel as you do the movement. 

In fact, the emphasis is purely on HOW you do the movement that counts, not how many times you repeat them. By “how,” I mean, does it feel easy, is it comfortable, is it smooth or do I feel resistance? For example, do you feel yourself engaging your muscles to force your head to turn or does it turn smoothly and easily in both directions without any effort? The brain doesn’t care how big the turning movement it — it cares how easy and comfortable it is.

By focusing on the quality of the sensation, and eliminating any stretching, strain, discomfort or muscular force, the ease of doing the movement will spontaneously become easy, smooth, and pleasurable. The brain is always working in our best interest, looking for the most efficient way to do a movement and as we feed the brain sensory information during a class or session, the brain overrides old neural pathways (of muscle tension) and replaces them with new, more efficient neural pathways (of ease and comfort).

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Download this FREE audio lesson to experience for yourself what I’m talking about. See if you feel more relaxed, freer to turn easily, and mentally calmer after this simple seated lesson!

Photo credit: © 2005, Rosalie O'Connor. Used with permission of the Feldenkrais Guild® of North America.

Discover Lasting Relief for Jaw and Neck Pain with These Effective Strategies

Jaw pain, also known as Temporalmandibular Joint Disorder (TMD), is experienced by many people in some form or another. Symptoms can include minor to severe pain in the temporalmandibular joint (TMJ) itself, jaw popping, headaches, aching in the facial muscles, grinding teeth, difficulty chewing, tightness in the jaw and can be responsible for neck pain, shoulder pain, and even tinnitus (or ringing in the ears). 

And oddly, many people who experience pain in their jaw also experience pain or tightness in their lower back and pelvis and/or hips. 

We are not just a bunch of parts and pieces 

Here’s a simple anatomy lesson:

The jaw is not actually separate from the pelvis because the lower jaw, or mandible, is connected to the temporal bone by the temporalmandibular joint (the TMJ). The temporal bone is connected to the occiput, the back of the skull, through which the vertebrae (or bones) of the spine intersect. 

If one area of the spine is not free or mobile, then every other part of the spine, and those bones attached to it, are affected because we are a whole skeleton and a whole person, not a bunch of unrelated muscles and bones. 

So, if the vertebrae (or bones) of the neck are restricted, the responsibility for movement is left to the less restricted vertebrae of the spine — from the neck all the way down to the lower back. 

The lower vertebrae attach to, or rather become, the sacrum (a small upside-down triangular bone that sits between the two sides of the pelvis). If there is any disruption in the spine’s ability to move freely at any part, then every part of the spine and those bones attached, is affected. 

We are a whole living, connected, moving person. This is why if there is restriction in the jaw, the pelvis or low back are very likely affected as well.

But back to the jaw….

So how do we find lasting relief?

Most people who have experienced jaw pain have tried several different therapies. Some provide temporary relief for a day or two, some longer. 

Sometimes people find that deep tissue or intra-oral massage is helpful to relieve the pain and tension in their jaw. As a massage therapist in my previous life, I know even relief for a day or two is better than nothing. 

But attempting to relieve chronic pain at the site of the muscle is the same as if we were to look in the mirror and see dirt on our face, and try to remedy it by using Windex on the mirror. 

Brain Plasticity

Muscles grip for a good reason. In fact, muscles are simply following orders given by the brain and nervous system. 

The brain — the control center of the entire body — is responsible for perceiving any instability throughout the body, and then sends directions to the muscles to “hold” here or “let go” there, based on that instability. The brain is ALWAYS working for the benefit of the whole person. 

When practiced consistently, these unconscious muscular tension patterns become habitual. In other words, some chronic jaw tension patterns can go on for years or decades.

The good news is that it doesn’t matter how long a tension pattern has been in place— chronic pain and tension can still be released by working with the brain because of something called “Brain Plasticity” or “Neuro Plasticity,” the ability for the neurons (brain cells) to form new neural connections.

This means that chronic jaw tension (or any chronic musculoskeletal tension) can be relieved permanently— sometimes this even happens immediately, and then it can be reinforced over time — creating new neural pathways. And the new pathways then become the dominant ones. The old tension pattern is overridden for a new, healthier more efficient musculoskeletal pattern.

The Feldenkrais Method®

The Feldenkrais Method® is an effective way to identify and release these chronic unconscious muscular tension patterns. Read more about The Feldenkrais Method® here.

A person doesn’t have to understand or believe in this method for it to work. But it does help to have an open mind and give the process some time to allow the brain to do it’s magic!

Click here for a FREE lesson that is designed to relieve your jaw and neck muscles in 20 minutes!

Did You Know You Can Rewire Your Brain to Relieve Muscle Tension?

If you’re like me, you’ve tried many different practitioners and therapies in an attempt to relieve muscle tension and chronic neck, shoulder or back pain. You may have felt better and relaxed for a few days after a massage or relief from a physical therapy or chiropractic session. 

But here is THE reason manipulations involving soft tissue (muscles) never seem to last: because the “issue” — whether it’s neck and shoulder tension, jaw tension, lower back or hip or even legs and feet pain — is not being treated at the source, but at the level of the symptoms (i.e., tense muscles).

The brain is the controller

What is the “source” then? The brain is the controller of the entire body. The brain tells up when to breathe in and out and how much oxygen we need at any given moment. The brain tells our organs how and when to function. 

And the brain monitors our muscle tension — when to contract and when to let go. We can apply pressure to or stretch the muscles and they’ll release, but within a short timeframe, they go right back to their habitual “patterns” of contraction. 

The brain is ALWAYS working for your benefit

These unconscious habitual patterns of “holding” or contraction were put into place by your brain when your brain perceived that there was some instability in you as a whole — perhaps you experienced a period of extreme stress, perhaps there was some injury somewhere else in your body, maybe while healing, part of you was immobilized to mend, perhaps you practiced some repetitive movement or posture so often that certain muscles became the stabilizers while others didn’t carry their weight.

Every single person’s circumstances and history are unique. 

We don’t have to understand WHY, only HOW

But when we work with the brain, the interesting thing is we don’t have to definitively understand WHY certain muscles are contracted, or the exact path of what caused what, when. We only need to recognize the patterns that are presenting themselves.

In the Feldenkrais Method® we don’t work at the site of the muscles — we work with the brain, the master controller of the entire body!

So… this is why this method is very likely different from anything you’ve tried before. 

And this is why there’s so much hope for you to find relief for most muscle tension or chronic pain.

I’ve seen it with my clients over and over again. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve had muscle tension or where it is.

It doesn’t even matter whether you completely understand the details of how this works or even believe what I’m telling you. 

When we work in person, you’re moved gently and slowly in a range that is completely comfortable and where there is no resistance. We don’t push through pain or force or strain you. The same holds true for when you participate in online lessons — you make small, slow movements in a comfortable range and rest often. During the rests the sensory information you took in by sensing and feeling yourself as you move is fed to your brain and it’s almost as if this information is “processed” by your brain and muscles spontaneously release on your behalf.

Reinforcing new neural pathways

You may notice some relief from pain the first time you have a session or practice a lesson. But remember, you’ve been “practicing” old tension patterns for a long time. So it might take several sessions to reinforce the new healthier neural pathways. I usually recommend to begin with 6 session scheduled a week apart. For more information about how often to schedule sessions, click here.

If you’d like more information about what your pain is telling you, you may like to read “The Hidden Messages in Your Pain: Why You Should Pay Attention.”

Think about when you learned your multiplication tables. (The 6s were always a challenge for me.) I could remember them for a few hours but if I didn’t practice them every day for at least a week, I would forget them and have to look. But after awhile, they became second nature to me — the neural pathways were reinforced often enough that it became permanent. And now, if I forget them for a moment from not “firing those specific neural pathways,” I only have to remind myself and they come right back to me.

Because we’re working with your brain to release muscular contractions and creating new, more comfortable muscle tone, it’s the same idea. The muscle tension that has been part of your life for months or years will let go as new sensory information is received by your brain. 

New healthier neural pathways override the old, unconscious, habitual pathways and when these movements are practiced with attention, and reinforced for a period of time, the old muscle tension is permanently gone.

Click here for a FREE audio lesson to experience for yourself how calm, relaxed and less muscle tension you feel throughout yourself!

How Often Should I Schedule Feldenkrais Sessions to See Results?

My clients often ask me “how often should I receive a session?”

There is not a one-size fits all answer, but here are some questions to ask yourself when deciding how often to schedule.

1. Why are you coming in?

• Do you have an injury, recovering from surgery?

• Are you holding relentless tension in your body that is making life uncomfortable?

• Have you experienced a stressful life event and you find it impossible to relax and let go of stress and anxiety?

• Is your nervous system dysregulated? Do you feel anxious, stressed, irritable or have physical symptoms of stress and anxiety?

• Do you feel dissociated from your physical body and physical sensations?

• Do you have chronic jaw pain, frequent migraines, or other stress-related physical chronic tension and pain from which you’d like permanent relief?

• Are you looking to improve your function in athletics — like running, cycling, playing tennis, golf, or even fishing and you’d like to be able to use your body more efficiently and without pain?

• Do you spend 8+ hours sitting or standing at a desk all day and feel back, neck or shoulder pain?

• Are you pregnant (or not pregnant) and have chronic sciatica, lower back pain, leg pain or some other lower body discomfort?

• Are you nursing and have chronic neck and shoulder pain that’s impacting how you feel while you’re stepping into this new role as a mother?

• Or do you generally feel good and you just want to relax and restore and have a physical or nervous system tune-up?

2. How long has this “issue” been part of your life?

• Do you have a recent injury or you’ve noticed this issue in the past several weeks/months?

• Are you experiencing physical symptoms of anxiety and stress?

• Has this issue been with you for as long as you can remember?

• Somewhere inbetween?

3. What is the impact of this issue?

• Is it a minor nuisance, but you still live your life to the fullest?

• Is it causing you to have to modify your activities or you find yourself pushing through the pain, but it’s taking it’s toll?

• Can you no longer do the things you love?

• Are you in constant discomfort or pain and can’t think about anything else?

• Is it taking too much of your energy to “hover above” the physical discomfort or symptoms of anxiety?

4. What makes sense for your schedule?

• You’re fine with quick relief for a few days once in awhile.

• You can commit to a monthly session plus daily at-home practices.

• You can commit to weekly sessions for a period of time, plus at-home practices.

• You are super serious and will do whatever it takes to get your life back permanently, as long as you believe you’ll move toward your desired outcome.

5. What do you want to budget for this work?

Do you consider Feldenkrais to be part of your health and wellness program or is it purely for relaxation? There is no wrong answer, but understanding the value of this work to you will help you feel clear about how often to receive the work. I trust that each person knows what’s right for them. Learn more about how Feldenkrais® works to relieve chronic pain here.

Besides in-person private work, I also offer weekly group classes on Zoom as well in online private sessions. Any of these options will benefit you greatly.

Beginning the work:

I suggest you schedule your first session and see how your body and nervous system responds. The work is subtle, but you WILL notice a shift during or after the first session. See how you feel, and if you feel it’s something you want to invest your time, energy and money in. I trust that each person has their own body wisdom and you’ll know after one session if this resonates with you. For more information about the 3 phases of treatment, click here.

If any or all of the above resonates with you, and you are interested in making significant changes in your body and nervous system, then let’s have a discussion about partnering together and coming up with a treatment plan that works for your schedule and budget. You can schedule a FREE 15 minute phone or video consultation here or contact me at susan@restorewithawareness.com .

© 2005, Rosalie O'Connor. Used with permission of the Feldenkrais Guild® of North America.

How I Restored Myself with The Feldenkrais Method®

In 2015, I had moved from Denver to Washington, DC to be with someone with whom I had fallen in love. But within weeks of arriving, red flags began to appear. I made excuses for each thing that happened because I really believed he was the person with whom I would spend the rest of my life. I'd jumped through hoops to make this move — I'd sold my home, left my friends, and heartbroken, left my son who had decided last minute to take a gap year before college. I'd started a new business in this new city and I believed we could make it work.

But within a couple of months of relocating, it became clear to me I was in a toxic, abusive relationship. I felt anxious and fearful that anything I might say or do would set off my partner into a rage — putting flatware in the dishwasher facing the wrong direction, hanging pots on the pot hanger in the wrong order, leaving my water bottle on the dining room table. 

Essentially, my nervous system was responding as if I was living in a war zone, waiting for the next surprise attack of yelling and name calling or silent treatment.

My attention was not on myself, but on my environment, my partner's facial expressions, constantly scanning for clues of what was to come, being hypervigilant to say and do things "right" — to not cause an outburst. It was as if I was like living in a minefield and existing in the ancient limbic part of my brain — in survival.

On April 13, 2017, while riding on the back of his motorcycle at Joshua Tree National Park— a "vacation" my intuition warned me to avoid, we T-boned a car that was doing a U-turn in the middle of the road.

It was as if I was literally stopped in my tracks. 

And although the accident resulted in me breaking my foot, a finger, and a rib, it was this accident that also saved my life.

I spent the next few days at my ex’s friend’s house in Palm Springs on pain meds before flying back to DC. When I returned, I cleared my work schedule. My abusive partner was suddenly attentive, kind and loving and I was all too ready to forget the past and believe he’d had a change of heart. I allowed myself to enjoy his attention and trust him… for two glorious weeks, until the abusive behavior started again. 

We were getting ready to go to his country house in Virginia for the weekend and he asked me to pack the cooler while he took care of some business. I did my best with limited use of my arms and foot, and in the hurry to beat rush hour traffic, I forgot to pack the milk. And he was enraged. I forgot to pack the milk and now we’d have to stop on the way. He couldn’t count on me for anything — everything is always on his shoulders. He raged for miles and then refused to talk to me, and I felt myself afraid again. I was confused — was he right about me? Was everything always on his shoulders? 

The cognitive dissonance and confusion and brain fog was muddying my ability to see clearly. The anxiety and depression from feeling that I couldn’t trust my own gut was back with a vengeance. Read this article for more symptoms of narcissistic abuse.

My recovery

When we returned to the city, I scheduled two Feldenkrais® sessions each week with a nearby practitioner for the next 3 months. I knew I needed to become physically self-sufficient as quickly as possible, to get solidly back on my feet and not be dependent on him. To learn more about how The Feldenkrais Method® works, click here.

Some sessions were almost magical — I felt such increased mobility and lack of pain that I had to pinch myself to believe the improvement I felt was possible. Each session was different from the one before, and I had varying results. But cumulatively, the improvements steadily continued. 

By the end of July I was no longer in pain and had recovered much of my flexibility and function. Gradually, I was able to see my usual client load. I continued with weekly sessons and for another month and I kept improving physically. 

the most surprising effect

But the most surprising effect was that I no longer felt I was completely focused outside of myself, scanning the horizon for danger every moment. I had embarked on Feldenkrais® sessions in order to improve my physical function and release pain. How could release of mental and emotional tension be a result of a this method as well?

Regardless of whether I understood mentally what was happening or whether I believed it was possible, the thing I knew for sure was that it was happening. I was feeling physically stronger and better and I was mentally and emotionally clearer, calmer and more grounded.

I felt connected to my own body. I could breath normally. I could sleep, after months of insomnia. I was developing the ability to feel myself, and the clarity to trust my thoughts and to leave a situation that would certainly have killed me.

If you or someone you know have experienced a relentless experience that has left you with physical symptoms of stress, anxiety and overwhelm, please consider The Feldenkrais Method® to help you find relief physical and nervous system relief. To learn more about the physical symptoms of stress and anxiety, click here.

Schedule your FREE 15 minute phone or video consultation here.

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Try this FREE audio lesson to help relieve your stress and anxiety and leave you feeling physically relaxed in less than 20 minutes! Feel free to share with a friend.

Here's Why Compensation Patterns Happen in the Body

When we injure a part of ourselves, we usually see a specialist. When we have a broken bone, first the broken bone is immobilized by an orthopedic specialist, and then we see a physical therapist who focuses specifically on that body part, showing us exercises to strengthen or stretch that specific area.

We’re fortunate to have such experts at our disposal. 

And yet, my experience has been that once a bone heals, then that injured foot or wrist which was immobilized for a number of weeks, is left on its own to reintegrate with the rest of the self as best it can. After spending two months in a cast, the ankle seems to have forgotten how to move normally. Once the cast is off, we practice stretching and strengthening the foot, and most movement seems to come back, but it isn’t actually reintegrated into the moving whole of ourselves. It adjusts while many of the compensating musclular patterns still remain and it feels “normal” to us.

Because our brain is always working for our benefit, when a part of us is injured, our brain directs our muscles to “hold” the unstable bones in place or make up for other muscles that are temporarily unable to do their job. 

Compensating muscular contraction patterns are put into effect, and stay in effect, until they’re no longer needed. And years later, the imbalances that our brain is managing, begin to appear as neck pain, shoulder pain, neck pain, and so on, depending on each person. 

We don’t connect the pain we now feel to that old compensation pattern from years ago. 

We seek out therapeutic relief for the specific areas where we feel discomfort, but the relief is not lasting because we’re dealing with it on a muscular level, not at the level of the brain—the control center of the body.

This thinking in terms of “fixing parts” is called segmental thinking and it’s a common way of thinking in the West.

As a massage therapist for many years, when a client came to me with pain between their shoulder blades, they would request deep work on that specific area to give them relief. This is completely understandable—we all want relief!

And yet, we are not a bunch of segmented pieces of muscles and bones. We are a living, moving whole organism. 

As my teacher David Zemach-Bersin writes,“Your shoulder blades don’t live separately from your whole self…there is not one part of you that lives separately or distinctly from the entirety of yourself.

The Feldenkrais Method

The Feldenkrais Method®, a somatic movement method, includes the whole person. To learn more about The Feldenkrais Method®, click here.

Whether someone is lying on the table for a private in-person session, or lying on the floor for an online group Somatic Movement class, the intention is to connect the dots so that the person can feel their wholeness and become aware of how she’s connected—from their pinky toe to their head, from their sacrum to their jaw, from their hurt wrist to their ribcage.

I’ve experienced significant improvement in the range of motion of my neck from tilting my pelvis in a certain way. I’ve seen my students find relief from tinnitus after a pelvis/jaw lesson. My plantar fasciitis went away over time after connecting small movements from my head and neck to my ribcage and pelvis. 

Sometimes there is immediate improvement, and other times it takes several months. Natural healing takes time and it’s not generally a linear progression. 

When we let go of the muscular tension that has been preventing this ease, and begin to move as an integrated whole person, we are free from the habitual chronic tension and tightness that we may have been living with for years.

If you’d like more information about what options are available to release your chronic muscle tension and pain, schedule a FREE 20-minute consultation and we can discuss the best plan for you.

You’re welcome to join your first live weekly online classes for FREE to experience this for yourself. Click here for more information about schedule and pricing.

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And if you’d like to experience how the method works, download this FREE audio lesson and see what you observe! You might notice your back muscles feel supple and you feel calmer overall after only a few minutes!